tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37702991440090786352024-03-14T11:49:36.863-07:00A Proper Blog"A proper blog" by Bungle Jerry, who otherwise tends to devote himself to improper blogs, the naughty boy.Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.comBlogger402125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-37391719758248971112011-11-05T16:35:00.000-07:002011-11-05T17:05:50.288-07:00Compilation! "Tom Waits - Wasted and Wounded"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i><span style="font-size: x-large;">TOM WAITS</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-large;">WASTED AND WOUNDED</span></i> </div>
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So Tom Waits has a new album out. Did you know? Oh, come on. Of <i>course</i> you know. For such a proudly 'non-commercial' artist, the proudly 'non-commercial' post-punk record label he currently calls home has certainly pulled out all the stops on marketing this one. And <i>why</i>? Does that mean they're expecting to turn a mighty profit from Tom Waits? There's certainly not much in almost forty years of professional work by this artist that would indicate such a thing is likely.<br />
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Jesus. Can it really be forty years? Yes, it can; Waits's début <i>Closing Time</i> came out in 1973, a remarkably long time ago now. So he must have a glut of retrospective compilations to his name, then, right? Well... no, as it happens. He's been compiled, yes, in a haphazard way down the years. But there's never been a compilation that spans his entire recorded output across the three record labels he's worked with, meaning there's never been a single compilation that looks back at more than a single decade or so of his work (with the sole exception of the odds-and-sods compilation <i>Orphans</i>, which is not at all what we're talking about here.<br />
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Apart from the whole 'who would buy it?' angle, I can kind of guess why this is. The three 'eras' of Tom Waits's career correspond not merely to record label affiliation but also to decade and to approximate musical genre. This 'Elektra Tom Waits' is seen as almost a different beast altogether to 'Island Tom Waits'. And 'Anti Tom Waits' serves as a kind of 'footnote' to the other two, this despite being the longest and most commercially successful of the three eras.<br />
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So I'm giving it a try. After all, the sonic templates may differ, the voice may regress year by year, but everything here is very clearly a singular vision, the work of one artist whose superficial ugliness belies a greater understanding and appreciation of beauty than almost anyone else out there. The nuts and bolts are this: an artist such as Tom Waits could never have a 'greatest hits' collection, but I've attempted both a subjective 'best of' and, in addition to that, a kind of down-the-years 'introduction' featuring his best-known songs. In many cases this means his best-known compositions, which might perhaps have been made famous after being covered by someone else. Though Waits himself has indulged in a handful of covers down the years, I've passed them over in favour of an all-original collection.<br />
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I make no attempt to dig through drawers and pull out curios. These are all 'album versions', taken from the standard issue versions of his main body of work. I tried to give each era approximately equal weight (and in fact if you consider the transitional soundtrack to <i>One From the Heart</i> as an 'Island era release', then I've included exactly twelve tracks from each of the three eras), but I didn't attempt to take from every album in his oeuvre and didn't worry about being overly well-rounded in stylistic range: I appear to have a very pronounced preference for the slower material, and my overall collection is noticeably slow in tempo.<br />
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Having said that, though, the album is more than adequately eclectic. So how to arrange it? Approaching the material in chronological order does little to 'integrate' the three eras - instead it presents three distinct 'greatest hits' collections stuck together on two CDs. And yet a purposefully mix-and-match approach would merely highlight the discrepancy between the piano-and-strings 'lounge lizard' early era and the rougher, more 'extreme' avant garde 1980s material. I actually spent a good long time working out a tracklist that went from era-to-era not in a jump-cut fashion but in a 'flowing' way, with mini-sets united by mood. In addition, there's a conscious attempt to frontload the package with those best-known tracks that the 'average consumer', if they know anything at all about Waits, is most likely to know.<br />
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In discussing inclusions, however, I'll be taking a chronological approach.<br />
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Note: in addition to a full tracklisting complete with original album cover and release details, I've included an embedded YouTube window to allow listening. So you can listen to this compilation in its entirety, but 36 embedded YouTube windows is a horrible strain on most browsers. To that end, I've hidden each CD tracklisting behind a 'spoiler tag'. Click on each CD in turn to hear its contents, and be warned that your browser might run a bit slow at first when you do so.</i>
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<div class="spoilertop" onclick="openClose('TOMWAITSCD1')">» Click here for the tracklisting of CD1, with embedded YouTube links. « </div><div class="spoilermain" id="TOMWAITSCD1" style="display: none;">
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<i><span style="font-size: x-large;">DISC ONE</span></i> </div>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">1.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WqZjvOyPLG4/TrVaoOIlSWI/AAAAAAAAB3M/CULfqqkBkcg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits_-_Small_change_%25281976%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Small Change" border="0" height="100" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WqZjvOyPLG4/TrVaoOIlSWI/AAAAAAAAB3M/CULfqqkBkcg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits_-_Small_change_%25281976%2529.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>TOM TRAUBERT'S BLUES. </b>(6:39) From the Asylum album <i>Small Change</i>, 1976.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/HkOMiA_uGso" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">2.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dU1obSSm3fk/TrVanXkOJ0I/AAAAAAAAB2s/F6xPWAs9AQU/s1600/TomWaitsRainDogs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Rain Dogs" border="0" height="100" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dU1obSSm3fk/TrVanXkOJ0I/AAAAAAAAB2s/F6xPWAs9AQU/s1600/TomWaitsRainDogs.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>DOWNTOWN TRAIN. </b>(3:53) From the Island album <i>Rain Dogs</i>, 1985.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/a7jsEE_QGKg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">3.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rT0xloKqKCY/TrVaoAmWB3I/AAAAAAAAB3E/nJn6XONoWmI/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Heartattack_and_Vine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Heartattack and Vine" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rT0xloKqKCY/TrVaoAmWB3I/AAAAAAAAB3E/nJn6XONoWmI/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Heartattack_and_Vine.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>JERSEY GIRL. </b>(5:11) From the Asylum album <i>Heartattack and Vine</i>, 1980.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/aw5JkJQgYsM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">4.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-orrc87q2bMs/TrVamSM4hBI/AAAAAAAAB2M/17AbpB-Z8Xg/s1600/220px-TomWaits-MuleVariations.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Mule Variations" border="0" height="100" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-orrc87q2bMs/TrVamSM4hBI/AAAAAAAAB2M/17AbpB-Z8Xg/s1600/220px-TomWaits-MuleVariations.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>HOLD ON. </b>(5:33) From the Anti album <i>Mule Variations</i>, 1999.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/DkpaKx1UUUw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">5.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lpTsTEnSUTc/TrVamgWB18I/AAAAAAAAB2U/H9TDauzzQMY/s1600/220px-TomWaits-BoneMachine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Bone Machine" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lpTsTEnSUTc/TrVamgWB18I/AAAAAAAAB2U/H9TDauzzQMY/s1600/220px-TomWaits-BoneMachine.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP. </b>(2:31) From the Island album <i>Bone Machine</i>, 1992.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Wzc871P0UZo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">6.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DkfPeFu8UhU/TrWTGzQIJ1I/AAAAAAAAB30/FkWbnX2kGAo/s1600/220px-06orphansaz2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DkfPeFu8UhU/TrWTGzQIJ1I/AAAAAAAAB30/FkWbnX2kGAo/s1600/220px-06orphansaz2.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>LITTLE DROP OF POISON. </b>(3:09) From the Anti album <i>Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards</i>, 2006.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8aTvELXNXNU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">7.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yi16YxHZPrw/TrVanw_0PRI/AAAAAAAAB28/vPQvizB7RxA/s1600/220px-Franks_cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Franks Wild Years" border="0" height="100" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yi16YxHZPrw/TrVanw_0PRI/AAAAAAAAB28/vPQvizB7RxA/s1600/220px-Franks_cover.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>WAY DOWN IN THE HOLE. </b>(3:30) From the Island album <i>Franks Wild Years</i>, 1987.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1ymBaAsSqDE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">8.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yi16YxHZPrw/TrVanw_0PRI/AAAAAAAAB28/vPQvizB7RxA/s1600/220px-Franks_cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Franks Wild Years" border="0" height="100" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yi16YxHZPrw/TrVanw_0PRI/AAAAAAAAB28/vPQvizB7RxA/s1600/220px-Franks_cover.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>TEMPTATION. </b>(3:53) From the Island album <i>Franks Wild Years</i>, 1987.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/SjW1ppfQECc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">9.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WqZjvOyPLG4/TrVaoOIlSWI/AAAAAAAAB3M/CULfqqkBkcg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits_-_Small_change_%25281976%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Small Change" border="0" height="100" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WqZjvOyPLG4/TrVaoOIlSWI/AAAAAAAAB3M/CULfqqkBkcg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits_-_Small_change_%25281976%2529.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>THE PIANO HAS BEEN DRINKING (NOT ME). </b>(3:40) From the Asylum album <i>Small Change</i>, 1976<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/oUeKDtMV1gA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>.</td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">10.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qC8fd5pRoCs/TrValRSf04I/AAAAAAAAB10/TP_N92vfY18/s1600/220px-Foreign_Affairs_Tom_Waits.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Foreign Affairs" border="0" height="100" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qC8fd5pRoCs/TrValRSf04I/AAAAAAAAB10/TP_N92vfY18/s1600/220px-Foreign_Affairs_Tom_Waits.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>I NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS. </b>(3:38) From the Asylum album <i>Foreign Affairs</i>, 1977<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/yh1OWi1hJOk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>.</td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">11.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DkfPeFu8UhU/TrWTGzQIJ1I/AAAAAAAAB30/FkWbnX2kGAo/s1600/220px-06orphansaz2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DkfPeFu8UhU/TrWTGzQIJ1I/AAAAAAAAB30/FkWbnX2kGAo/s1600/220px-06orphansaz2.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>LONG WAY HOME. </b>(3:10) From the Anti album <i>Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards</i>, 2006.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/hdyscH9TsnA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">12.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yLiMSsgbQXs/TrWTHcPym-I/AAAAAAAAB38/__j-f4lL2FQ/s1600/220px-BadasMe.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Bad as Me" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yLiMSsgbQXs/TrWTHcPym-I/AAAAAAAAB38/__j-f4lL2FQ/s1600/220px-BadasMe.png" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>BAD AS ME. </b>(3:10) From the Anti album <i>Bad as Me</i>, 2011.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/B6Ta3H-ck6s" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">13.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lpTsTEnSUTc/TrVamgWB18I/AAAAAAAAB2U/H9TDauzzQMY/s1600/220px-TomWaits-BoneMachine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Bone Machine" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lpTsTEnSUTc/TrVamgWB18I/AAAAAAAAB2U/H9TDauzzQMY/s1600/220px-TomWaits-BoneMachine.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>GOING OUT WEST. </b>(3:19) From the Island album <i>Bone Machine</i>, 1992.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/tEJBf98PCD8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">14.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AiEnZtw1AS8/TrVakvFUiMI/AAAAAAAAB1k/bN3ERREILpc/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Blood_Money.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Blood Money" border="0" height="100" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AiEnZtw1AS8/TrVakvFUiMI/AAAAAAAAB1k/bN3ERREILpc/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Blood_Money.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>GOD'S AWAY ON BUSINESS. </b>(2:59) From the Anti album <i>Blood Money</i>, 2002.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/YbAeeNgXSzk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">15.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A8RFI80avKc/TrVal4Nq-CI/AAAAAAAAB2E/GjQ7cTEV3bg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Closing_Time.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Closing Time" border="0" height="100" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A8RFI80avKc/TrVal4Nq-CI/AAAAAAAAB2E/GjQ7cTEV3bg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Closing_Time.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>OL' 55. </b>(3:58) From the Asylum album <i>Closing Time</i>, 1973.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZXunos4IXDU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">16.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A8RFI80avKc/TrVal4Nq-CI/AAAAAAAAB2E/GjQ7cTEV3bg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Closing_Time.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Closing Time" border="0" height="100" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A8RFI80avKc/TrVal4Nq-CI/AAAAAAAAB2E/GjQ7cTEV3bg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Closing_Time.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>I HOPE THAT I DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. </b>(3:54) From the Asylum album <i>Closing Time</i>, 1973.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZSe2k3P8wRE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">17.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wzF73Em8ck0/TrVantAoFyI/AAAAAAAAB20/FUlKkandz6U/s1600/220px-One_From_the_Heart_cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - One From the Heart" border="0" height="100" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wzF73Em8ck0/TrVantAoFyI/AAAAAAAAB20/FUlKkandz6U/s1600/220px-One_From_the_Heart_cover.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>OPENING MONTAGE (FROM ONE FROM THE HEART). </b>(5:16) From the CBS album <i>One From the Heart</i>, 1982.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/g19HMLwWeDU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">18.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-orrc87q2bMs/TrVamSM4hBI/AAAAAAAAB2M/17AbpB-Z8Xg/s1600/220px-TomWaits-MuleVariations.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Mule Variations" border="0" height="100" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-orrc87q2bMs/TrVamSM4hBI/AAAAAAAAB2M/17AbpB-Z8Xg/s1600/220px-TomWaits-MuleVariations.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>GET BEHIND THE MULE. </b>(6:52) From the Anti album <i>Mule Variations</i>, 1999.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/l7yuTR8r6QM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<div class="spoilertop" onclick="openClose('TOMWAITSCD2')">» Click here for the tracklisting of CD2, with embedded YouTube links. « </div><div class="spoilermain" id="TOMWAITSCD2" style="display: none;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: x-large;">DISC TWO</span></i> </div>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">1.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WqZjvOyPLG4/TrVaoOIlSWI/AAAAAAAAB3M/CULfqqkBkcg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits_-_Small_change_%25281976%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Small Change" border="0" height="100" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WqZjvOyPLG4/TrVaoOIlSWI/AAAAAAAAB3M/CULfqqkBkcg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits_-_Small_change_%25281976%2529.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>INVITATION TO THE BLUES. </b>(5:24) From the Asylum album <i>Small Change</i>, 1976.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/DIDEeaow-qc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">2.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tq5BMAsPae8/TrVanC8V0RI/AAAAAAAAB2k/b-ym5Mqc1a4/s1600/220px-Blue_Valentine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Blue Valentine" border="0" height="100" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tq5BMAsPae8/TrVanC8V0RI/AAAAAAAAB2k/b-ym5Mqc1a4/s1600/220px-Blue_Valentine.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>BLUE VALENTINES. </b>(5:49) From the Asylum album <i>Blue Valentine</i>, 1978.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/iuFHsIBMcsg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">3.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yi16YxHZPrw/TrVanw_0PRI/AAAAAAAAB28/vPQvizB7RxA/s1600/220px-Franks_cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Franks Wild Years" border="0" height="100" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yi16YxHZPrw/TrVanw_0PRI/AAAAAAAAB28/vPQvizB7RxA/s1600/220px-Franks_cover.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>INNOCENT WHEN YOU DREAM (78). </b>(3:08) From the Island album <i>Franks Wild Years</i>, 1987.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/x6KkJ6-Ecxw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">4.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AiEnZtw1AS8/TrVakvFUiMI/AAAAAAAAB1k/bN3ERREILpc/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Blood_Money.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Blood Money" border="0" height="100" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AiEnZtw1AS8/TrVakvFUiMI/AAAAAAAAB1k/bN3ERREILpc/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Blood_Money.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>CONEY ISLAND BABY. </b>(4:02) From the Anti album <i>Blood Money</i>, 2002.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/RzF2XqEiNX8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">5.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wMJSdFCRv4Q/TrValOfq0II/AAAAAAAAB1s/yUWG-v85rC4/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Alice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Alice" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wMJSdFCRv4Q/TrValOfq0II/AAAAAAAAB1s/yUWG-v85rC4/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Alice.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>ALICE. </b>(4:28) From the Anti album <i>Alice</i>, 2002.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/aEj-mrwwaxo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">6.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A8RFI80avKc/TrVal4Nq-CI/AAAAAAAAB2E/GjQ7cTEV3bg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Closing_Time.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Closing Time" border="0" height="100" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A8RFI80avKc/TrVal4Nq-CI/AAAAAAAAB2E/GjQ7cTEV3bg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Closing_Time.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>MARTHA. </b>(4:30) From the Asylum album <i>Closing Time</i>, 1973.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/y9Mse62NFl4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">7.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tq5BMAsPae8/TrVanC8V0RI/AAAAAAAAB2k/b-ym5Mqc1a4/s1600/220px-Blue_Valentine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Blue Valentine" border="0" height="100" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tq5BMAsPae8/TrVanC8V0RI/AAAAAAAAB2k/b-ym5Mqc1a4/s1600/220px-Blue_Valentine.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>ROMEO IS BLEEDING. </b>(4:52) From the Asylum album <i>Blue Valentine</i>, 1978.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/X-eUSzl3gEI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">8.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cN--1slKaCk/TrVam6BJW0I/AAAAAAAAB2c/co-3eP0cH-s/s1600/TomWaitsSwordfishtrombones.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Swordfishtrombones" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cN--1slKaCk/TrVam6BJW0I/AAAAAAAAB2c/co-3eP0cH-s/s1600/TomWaitsSwordfishtrombones.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>FRANK'S WILD YEARS. </b>(1:50) From the Island album <i>Swordfishtrombones</i>, 1983.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1I9GqxDA4ac" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">9.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yLiMSsgbQXs/TrWTHcPym-I/AAAAAAAAB38/__j-f4lL2FQ/s1600/220px-BadasMe.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Bad as Me" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yLiMSsgbQXs/TrWTHcPym-I/AAAAAAAAB38/__j-f4lL2FQ/s1600/220px-BadasMe.png" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>GET LOST. </b>(2:42) From the Anti album <i>Bad as Me</i>, 2011.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/NYxJZoHPvQ0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">10.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cN--1slKaCk/TrVam6BJW0I/AAAAAAAAB2c/co-3eP0cH-s/s1600/TomWaitsSwordfishtrombones.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Swordfishtrombones" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cN--1slKaCk/TrVam6BJW0I/AAAAAAAAB2c/co-3eP0cH-s/s1600/TomWaitsSwordfishtrombones.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>16 SHELLS FROM A THIRTY-OUGHT SIX. </b>(4:30) From the Island album <i>Swordfishtrombones</i>, 1983.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WdgpvwAKS2I" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">11.</span></i></td><td><a "="" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SKnmewm9GrA/TrValiU6qhI/AAAAAAAAB18/BPDj1_Birpg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Night_on_Earth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img "="" alt="Tom Waits - Night on Earth" border="0" height="100" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SKnmewm9GrA/TrValiU6qhI/AAAAAAAAB18/BPDj1_Birpg/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Night_on_Earth.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>BACK IN THE GOOD OLD WORLD (GYPSY). </b>(2:30) From the Island album <i>Night on Earth</i>, 1992.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/u8xTShS56HU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">12.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Et4PIi12QRI/TrVapXOKcVI/AAAAAAAAB3k/6ci-VBOg4qE/s1600/220px-TomWaits-TheBlackRider.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - The Black Rider" border="0" height="100" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Et4PIi12QRI/TrVapXOKcVI/AAAAAAAAB3k/6ci-VBOg4qE/s1600/220px-TomWaits-TheBlackRider.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>THE BRIAR AND THE ROSE. </b>(3:50) From the Island album <i>The Black Rider</i>, 1993.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VKpnZLU1sUk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">13.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wMJSdFCRv4Q/TrValOfq0II/AAAAAAAAB1s/yUWG-v85rC4/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Alice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Alice" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wMJSdFCRv4Q/TrValOfq0II/AAAAAAAAB1s/yUWG-v85rC4/s1600/220px-Tom_Waits-Alice.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>POOR EDWARD. </b>(3:42) From the Anti album <i>Alice</i>, 2002.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/xrbddZuN_8Q" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">14.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8IEEKXtsRw4/TrVaornKyEI/AAAAAAAAB3U/db-tXZGk88U/s1600/220px-Realgone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Real Gone" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8IEEKXtsRw4/TrVaornKyEI/AAAAAAAAB3U/db-tXZGk88U/s1600/220px-Realgone.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>DEAD AND LOVELY. </b>(5:40) From the Anti album <i>Real Gone</i>, 2004<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/KHLvlLDtCF8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>.</td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">15.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tfjk2SorGGc/TrVao1iQO9I/AAAAAAAAB3c/22tq1Y_5dfA/s1600/220px-TheHeartofSaturdayNight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - The Heart of Saturday Night" border="0" height="100" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tfjk2SorGGc/TrVao1iQO9I/AAAAAAAAB3c/22tq1Y_5dfA/s1600/220px-TheHeartofSaturdayNight.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>SHIVER ME TIMBERS. </b>(4:26) From the Asylum album <i>The Heart of Saturday Night</i>, 1974.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Op_JQLereMY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">16.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8IEEKXtsRw4/TrVaornKyEI/AAAAAAAAB3U/db-tXZGk88U/s1600/220px-Realgone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Real Gone" border="0" height="100" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8IEEKXtsRw4/TrVaornKyEI/AAAAAAAAB3U/db-tXZGk88U/s1600/220px-Realgone.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>DAY AFTER TOMORROW. </b>(6:56) From the Anti album <i>Real Gone</i>, 2004.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Q_mLxEw6XGE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">17.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dU1obSSm3fk/TrVanXkOJ0I/AAAAAAAAB2s/F6xPWAs9AQU/s1600/TomWaitsRainDogs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - Rain Dogs" border="0" height="100" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dU1obSSm3fk/TrVanXkOJ0I/AAAAAAAAB2s/F6xPWAs9AQU/s1600/TomWaitsRainDogs.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>TIME. </b>(3:55) From the Island album <i>Rain Dogs</i>, 1985.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/a2RnJeEBrsI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<tr><td><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">18.</span></i></td><td><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tfjk2SorGGc/TrVao1iQO9I/AAAAAAAAB3c/22tq1Y_5dfA/s1600/220px-TheHeartofSaturdayNight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Waits - The Heart of Saturday Night" border="0" height="100" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tfjk2SorGGc/TrVao1iQO9I/AAAAAAAAB3c/22tq1Y_5dfA/s1600/220px-TheHeartofSaturdayNight.jpg" width="100" /></a></td><td><b>(LOOKING FOR) THE HEART OF SATURDAY NIGHT<i></i>. </b>(3:16) From the Asylum album <i>The Heart of Saturday Night</i>, 1974.<iframe width="350" height="27" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/f7UHd7NVegE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></td></tr>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-large;">NOTES</span></i> </div>
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Waits's first 'proper' album was <i>Closing Time</i> in 1973, on David Geffen's Elektra Records, home of the California singer-songwriter, something the not-very-gravelly artist certainly was at this point. I've taken three tracks from this user-friendly disc, the well-known '<b>Ol' 55</b>', its neighbour '<b>I Hope That I Don't Fall in Love With You</b>' and the lesser-known gorgeous piano ballad '<b>Martha</b>'. Demos recorded before this first major release and collected on 'Early Years' compilations are overlooked here for the reason that Waits himself doesn't appear to approve of their release. And if someone who embraces the ugly and the incidental as much as Waits doesn't want these tracks seen as part of his body of work, well we ought to respect that.<br />
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The 'last call' motif of that début album's title presents us with the key to Waits's 1970s output: the bar. Or perhaps the 'lounge' - Waits himself was a heavy drinker during these years, which no doubt contributed to the deterioration of his voice but also to the establishment of his main theme: bar culture, and the lives of those who populate them. <i>The Heart of Saturday Night</i>, Waits's 1974 follow-up, aims for a touch of vérité in its world-weary title track '<b>(Looking for) The Heart of Saturday Night</b>', while '<b>Shiver Me Timbers</b>' maintains the confessional tone of the début. Both, it goes without saying, are gorgeous. A double-length follow-up recorded 'live' in a studio-cum-nightclub furthers the barfly theme, though I've taken nothing from it for inclusion here.<br />
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<i>Small Change</i>, from 1976, remains in all probability the peak of Waits's artistic accomplishment. '<b>Tom Traubert's Blues</b>' may or may not be his best-known song, but all these years later it remains the single most effective introduction to the man, his most jaw-droppingly touching recording and in all likelihood his <i>meisterwerk</i>. I let it open the collection, a well-earned accolade for a truly incredible piece. '<b>Invitation to the Blues</b>' similarly starts off my second disc, while for me the slightly-too-clever '<b>The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)</b>' might be a step down in quality, though I'm clearly a minority here as regards another of Waits's 'signature pieces'.<br />
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1977's <i>Foreign Affairs</i>, the follow-up, is perhaps less notable, though I've found room for '<b>I Never Talk to Strangers</b>', a highly evocative duet with Bette Midler taken straight out of a musical stage production that exists only in the minds of listeners. Released a year later, <i>Blue Valentine</i> features the spare guitar-only almost-title-track '<b>Blue Valentines</b>' in addition to '<b>Romeo is Bleeding</b>', one of only two spoken-word hipster epics that I've included. <i>Heartattack and Vine</i>, from 1980, would prove to be Waits's last album for Elektra, amid whisperings that Waits had lost it creatively and was content to coast along with a predictable formula. I find that hard to believe, frankly, and '<b>Jersey Girl</b>', my final Elektra-era inclusion, is one of those classics that mine such a rare beauty that it seems ridiculous to grumble about sonic diversity.<br />
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Homeless between labels, Waits recorded a soundtrack on CBS for a Francis Ford Coppola film called <i>One from the Heart</i>, with Crystal Gayle as foil for a series of beauty-and-the-beast duets. From the 1982 release, I've included the opening track, a medley of three different compositions that carries a particularly cinematic mood, even while tied down to the traditional 1970s instrumentation Waits was inches away from shucking off, permanently. To give its name in full: '<b>Opening Montage (Tom's Piano Intro / Once Upon a Town / The Wages of Love)</b>'.<br />
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<i>Swordfishtrombones</i> was not only Waits's first album for major/minor Island Records. It was also his first proper album of the 1980s (1983, to be precise) and the first of a trilogy that took up most of that decade. It was also his first 'avant garde' piece, a collection of tiny compositions buried beneath junkyard percussion and non-rock instrumentation. Weird, yes. An acquired taste, yes. But worth the effort? Yes, absolutely. From this second début I've taken the confrontational '<b>16 Shells from a Thirty-Ought Six</b>' and the jokey two-minute 'poetry reading' '<b>Frank's Wild Years</b>'.<br />
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<i>Rain Dogs</i> was the follow-up two years later, in the same vein but in my eyes even better, with the Rod Stewart-covered pop evergreen '<b>Downtown Train</b>' alongside the beautiful ballad '<b>Time</b>' as two of fully nineteen tracks on a single vinyl album. The 'trilogy' wound up with 1987's <i>Franks Wild Years</i>, home to the much-covered '<b>Temptation</b>' and '<b>Way Down in the Hole</b>', which in later years would serve as theme song to an HBO show called <i>The Wire</i>. The album also contained two versions of one of Waits's most beautiful-ever songs. '<b>Innocent When You Dream (78)</b>' is the second, album-concluding rendition, done up like an old vinyl recording but still timelessly gorgeous.<br />
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Another live album I've overlooked follows, and then <i>Night on Earth</i>, a 1992 soundtrack to a Jim Jarmusch film. From it I've taken the relatively brief '<b>Back in the Good Old World (Gypsy)</b>'. The same year saw Waits's most heavily promoted Island-era release, <i>Bone Machine</i>, a well-received song collection from which I've taken the single '<b>Goin' Out West</b>' and the much-covered '<b>I Don't Wanna Grow Up</b>', two songs that hide their genuine feelings behind highly unconventional (i.e. 'weird') instrumentation, such as has become Waits's signature sound. 1993's <i>The Black Rider</i>, a studio version of a musical stage play, would be Waits's last release for six years and his last ever on Island. I've taken the atypically baroque '<b>The Briar and the Rose</b>' from it.<br />
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It wouldn't be until 1999 that Tom Waits released a new album, on Bad Religion's Epitaph Records, or rather their Anti subsidiary. Defiantly indie at last, Waits put out <i>Mule Variations</i>, a critically-lauded album from which I've taken the midtempo ballad '<b>Hold On</b>' and the lengthy blues song '<b>Get Behind the Mule</b>' - in each case the instrumentation is just as rough and ragged as in the Island era, but the template is less self-consciously 'experimental'; the instrumentation strictly in service of these out-of-time songs.<br />
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Waits followed his 'comeback' in 2002 with two simultaneously-released albums that were in fact, like <i>The Black Rider</i>, studio recordings of stage projects, dating as far back a decade before. From <i>Blood Money</i> we've taken the 'single' '<b>God's Away on Business</b>', which returns a bit to the <i>Bone Machine</i> Island era, and the softer '<b>Coney Island Baby</b>', which could have been recorded in the 17th century, if they had had recording media at the time. From <i>Alice</i>, the other 2002 collection, I've taken two gorgeous ornate and terribly sad ballads, '<b>Alice</b>' and '<b>Poor Edward</b>', desolate and desperate songs of a rare beauty.<br />
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2004 saw <i>Real Gone</i>, a surprisingly guitar-based collection. From it, I've taken the delicate ballad '<b>Dead and Lovely</b>', and a rather surprising seven-minute political piece called '<b>Day After Tomorrow</b>', a touching heartfelt piece from an artist whose concerns have tended to be interpersonal rather than international. A 3CD 'grab-bag' collection of older pieces from here and there mixed with new recordings, <i>Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards</i> was a surprising commercial success, and from its 56 tracks I've taken only two soundtrack contributions, '<b>Little Drop of Poison</b>' from <i>Shrek 2</i>, and '<b>Long Way Home</b>' from <i>Big Bad Love</i>.<br />
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Which takes us to... well, to today, after skipping a third live album (one per era), and that soon-to-be commercial breakthrough <i>Bad as Me</i>. So far I haven't fallen in love with it, but like every other Anti release it gets an allotment of two tracks, the title track '<b>Bad As Me</b>' and the tiny little '<b>Get Lost</b>' - something that Waits seems entirely unable to do, even as he's spent decades now wandering without a map, <i>far</i> removed from convention. That he's managed never to get lost all these years despite trying seemingly <i>so hard</i> explains how Anti has managed to launch such a pervasive advertising campaign behind him some forty years on from his début.<br />
<br />Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-23694909289886676802011-11-04T22:26:00.000-07:002011-11-04T22:26:35.769-07:00Jandek Covers on Google Street ViewI've talked about Jandek before (<a href="http://a-proper-blog.blogspot.com/2011/04/jandek.html">here</a> and <a href="http://albumcovergallery.blogspot.com/2010/12/jandek-selected-album-cover-gallery.html">here</a>). I love him - or rather just as much as anyone else, I both love him and hate him. I'm much more fascinated with the man as an idea than I am interested in sitting down and listening to him. But I got to combining my fascination with the man with my fascination with Google Maps Street View, and I tried to 'track down' some of the Irish album covers - with help, of course, from the Jandek mailing list. So here's two of them, the album cover and the Google Maps screencap.<br />
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<b>The cover of Jandek's <i>I Threw You Away</i> </b></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Bl02_fhz30s/TrTHtiwfsQI/AAAAAAAAB1c/qRutsxoE8cA/s1600/Jandek+-+I+Threw+You+Away.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Bl02_fhz30s/TrTHtiwfsQI/AAAAAAAAB1c/qRutsxoE8cA/s400/Jandek+-+I+Threw+You+Away.jpg" width="397" /></a></div>
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<b>Google Maps Street View screenshot of Cork, Ireland</b></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RAV9PXREEME/TrTHtIxvauI/AAAAAAAAB1U/LGZ_-PU_QpY/s1600/Jandek+-+I+Threw+You+Away+-+Location+-+Cork+Ireland.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RAV9PXREEME/TrTHtIxvauI/AAAAAAAAB1U/LGZ_-PU_QpY/s400/Jandek+-+I+Threw+You+Away+-+Location+-+Cork+Ireland.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>The cover of Jandek's <i>Glasgow Friday</i></b></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Bc1k1gSOShY/TrTHsBSKGUI/AAAAAAAAB1M/a1Fk1EGudpE/s1600/Jandek+-+Glasgow+Friday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Bc1k1gSOShY/TrTHsBSKGUI/AAAAAAAAB1M/a1Fk1EGudpE/s400/Jandek+-+Glasgow+Friday.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>Google Maps Street View screenshot of Bushmills, Northern Ireland</b></div>
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<br />Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-10762543534837861002011-08-29T21:30:00.000-07:002011-08-29T21:31:56.497-07:00Did It Work?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qYZX_Wxx96c/TlxnYMCqlBI/AAAAAAAABto/hgAwltvG0xk/s1600/Jack+Layton+Casket.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="167" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qYZX_Wxx96c/TlxnYMCqlBI/AAAAAAAABto/hgAwltvG0xk/s400/Jack+Layton+Casket.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
So it's been a week now. My blog's spent the whole week headlined with a hopelessly out-of-date post about Nycole Turmel, leftover from a previous era of Canadian political history.<br />
<br />
It's not that I haven't tried to write about the death of Jack Layton - it's just that everything I wrote sounded trite, insincere, bandwagon-jumping. I might write something some day, once the moment has passed.<br />
<br />
Well, the moment is already passing. Today is Monday, the one-week anniversary of his passing and the first weekday after the funeral. A fog has <i>already</i> lifted, that strange feeling that permeated the air last week is already going away. The line in Reverend Hawkes's eulogy, 'Hi Jack, how are <i>we</i> doing?', that mere hours ago had me in tears already seems pretty cheesy. Nycole Turmel is already moving into Stornoway, the Star has a headline with Bob Rae crassly claiming the Liberals can win the 2015 election, and the chalk at City Hall is probably fading away.<br />
<br />
But that doesn't mean things are back to normal; I truly believe they aren't. This week was an amazing mix of spontaneous mass emotion and of intelligently crafted calculation: Jack Layton and his team of advisors really <i>did</i> turn this week into a celebration of the New Democratic Party. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting this week was staged. I don't think anyone in the country could have predicted how much emotion would be spilt over Layton's passing. But while the media has a vested interest in shaping the image of the man we mourn as one of a charismatic uniter of people who wanted to change the tone of politics, few Canadians fell for it. This week was <i>very</i> political, and very partisan. This week really <i>was</i> all about the NDP, or hopefully all about how the idealistic, progressive hopes and dreams of a still-strong majority of Canadians are finding focus in the NDP.<br />
<br />
For all the people saying people care about Layton and not his party, I think the message was really pushed out there that you can't separate the man from the party. I mean, think about it: the CN Tower and Niagara Falls were turned the colour of the <i>NDP</i>, not the colour that uniquely belonged to one man. Stephen Lewis got a standing ovation (from the Prime Minister too!) for declaring Layton's letter a 'manifesto of social democracy'. There was no sense in any of the official occassions this week that Jack Layton even <i>existed</i> outside of the confines of the party. All of his pallbearers were party luminaries - would anybody else tie himself to his party so closely?<br />
<br />
But there was a reason, and it was not by any means 'vainglorious'. It was all about transferring focus to the party, to build something permanent from the transience of human life. To turn despair at the loss of the principal face of opposition to Harper into hope at the establishment of a <i>vehicle</i> of opposition to Harper. TO make it clear to every Canadian that there is only one way to oppose Harper from here on, and the door ain't red.<br />
<br />
Did it work?<br />
<br />
Well, it'll be tough to tell. No pollster was crass enough to poll last week on party support: it would have been an ugly move, and it wouldn't have told us anything relevant anyway. Even during this cooldown, though, I have a hunch that the NDP is at first place nationwide as we speak, a place it hasn't been since Broadbent. I bet more Canadians see themselves as NDP supporters than see themselves as Conservative supporters at this unfortunately irrelevant juncture years before the next election. And I bet <i>way</i> more Canadians see themselves as NDP supporters than as supporters of Bob Rae's tired and directionless party, where confusion is currently reigning within its ranks over whether or not it should even <i>continue to exist</i> as an independent entity. As much as the media likes to paint the NDP as a headless chicken, aimlessly flapping its wings, consider the following: as high as the NDP's profile, and goodwill towards the NDP, has risen over the past week, is there a <i>single</i> Canadian who is currently saying, 'I supported the NDP just a few weeks ago, but Jack's death and the national response has suddenly made me a Liberal or Conservative'? Leaderless yes, worried about the future certainly... but no longer committed to the party? That's impossible to imagine. We're living in an NDP Canada at the moment, though who knows how long that will last.<br />
<br />
There's a long road ahead, and there are countless forces out there wishing the NDP to failure. But I don't think there's any going back now, and the sooner the Liberals realise this the better. The Liberal-propagated fallacy that Canada exists on a binary red-blue axis with the NDP as a sideshow is permanently dead. If anyone wants to talk about door colours, no-one would pretend anymore that the orange door is somehow a lesser choice. I don't want the Liberals to admit defeat; I want them to stop nipping at the NDP's heels and redefine themselves as a party equally comfortable courting current Tory supporters as current NDP supporters. The NDP have the goodwill right now, they have the monopoly on righteousness and on idealism, and that's incredibly valuable - now all they need is the legitimacy. I'm pretty sure they'll be able to pull it off, but it'll be rocky. People who have held their tongues this past week aren't going to hold them anymore.<br />
<br />
<i>Good.</i><br />
<br />
I personally believe in the ideology of the NDP. I believe it's the right course for our country, and i believe it stands up to scrutiny. We should fear nothing of being subjected to that scrutiny. We can't meet attacks with indignation anymore; we should take <i>pride</i> in those attacks, because people only attack what they perceive as a threat. And the NDP <i>is</i> a threat now, a very serious one. We can't meet those attacks with indignation, so we'll have to counter them with reason and with poise. Jack Layton was inspiring because his politics were inspiring, and his politics have not died: they remain very much alive in Canada's main party of the opposition. If you believed the media in that oh-so-distant month between Layton's announcement of his illness and his death, the appointment of Nycole Turmel spelt disaster for the party, whereas interim polling suggested it mattered not a whit - people <i>believe</i> in the NDP.<br />
<br />
It wasn't just Jack's death that created this belief. But Jack's death has brought it out into the open, in the form of a genuine <i>yearning</i> for the kind of Canada that the NDP is uniquely able to provide.<br />
<br />
The Conservatives' spin recently has been amazing. So many of us have started to feel that this country is slipping away from us, being pulled in a different and unwelcome direction. But hey - look around. This is <i>still our country</i>, this is still a worthy place to build our dreams. Canadians haven't become more conservative at all. We'd just lost sight of who we are. Jack's death was a horrible, senseless tragedy, but one that has served to remind us of who we are.<br />
<br />
And the only way the moment will pass is if we suddenly, en masse, decide that it's the Conservatives, or the Liberals, or the Bloc, or the Greens, in whom that vision is best manifested. And how likely is that?<br />
<br />
So thanks, Jack. <i>It worked</i>.<br />
</i></i>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-12347122415673343332011-08-17T22:45:00.000-07:002011-08-17T22:45:48.482-07:00Top Ten Things Nycole Turmel Could Do to Endear Herself to the Public<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://bcblue.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/nycole-turmel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://bcblue.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/nycole-turmel.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
So the worst of the 'BQ storm' is over for Nycole Turmel now, I think. People half paying attention have moved onto other things to half pay attention to.<br />
<br />
Still, let's face a reality - Turmel's star has definitely risen. Even if Jack Layton really does return, Turmel will still remain in the public eye from now on. So it's 'damage control' mode. Turmel really needs to find some ways to ingratiate herself in the minds of the Canadian public. By which, sad to say, I mean the people in the <i>other</i> nine provinces. And parts of Montréal too.<br />
<br />
So in classic David Letterman fashion, let me present the top ten ways Nycole Turmel can endear herself to the nation as a whole...<br />
<ul><li>10. Periodically turn to Bob Rae and call out in a schoolmarmish voice, "<i>You're</i> the weakest link! Goodbye!"</li>
<li>9. Buy at least one housecat for each year of BQ membership and allow yourself to be photographed with them as often as possible. Name the cats after former governers-general.</li>
<li>8. Play at least one musical instrument. Or at least <i>sing</i>. You're party leader now, hon. In Canada, this means you <i>have</i> to sing.</li>
<li>7. Inhale. Hell, light up in Commons. You're a <i>New Democrat</i> after all.</li>
<li>6. Scream, 'Mon pays, ce n'est pas un pays; c'est l'hiver', while jumping in a half-frozen lake on New Year's Day.</li>
<li>5. Prove allegiance to Canada by taking role as acting leader of the country's second largest federalist party.</li>
<li>4. Adopt a brood of children from far-flung corners of the globe. Name them after former governors-general.</li>
<li>3. Lobby the National Assembly to have <i>Bonhomme</i> refitted with a beaver's teeth and tail.</li>
<li>2. Switch seats in Commons every now and then with Elizabeth May. See if anyone notices.</li>
<li>1. Grow a moustache.</li>
</ul>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-33890830732976984482011-08-17T04:25:00.000-07:002011-08-17T04:25:14.885-07:00Straw Polls and Corn DogsMichele Bachmann currently looks like the Republican front-runner, based on... well, based on something called the 'Iowa Straw Poll', which apparently has something to do with eathing corn dogs. Because clearly fifty seperate votes for party leader just isn't enough... Michele Bachmann's ascendancy has to be good news for Stephen Harper, since it stands in such stark constrast to his own 'moderate lunacy'. Harper can get precisely as nuts as his haircut will allow over the next four years and still not even approach Bachmann-like levels of madness.<br />
<br />
But the thing is that Bachmann barely even stands out from the crowd amongst Republican hopefuls. Amazing to think that even though there are only two parties in the United States, the best one of those two parties can muster up is this current crop (and after Obama, the best the other party can do is Joe Biden). After a vice-presidential candidate who merely was <i>married</i> to a seperatist, we now have a declared presidential candidate, Rick Perry, who was also apparently one too. Nycole Turmel must be shaking her head at the scant notice paid Rick Perry's previous dalliances with Texan seperation while guitarist for Aerosmith, but the thing is that seperatist dalliances on the right of the spectrum are <i>okay</i>, because they never <i>really mean it</i>. It's the conservative version of post-modernist irony.<br />
<br />
It seems funny to think that Americans could even have seperatist movements, given how united they can all stand behind the act of chanting their three-lettered name at sporting events. Yet of course if any two states were likely to have independence movements (excluding states marooned in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, because they all vote Democrat anyway), it makes sense they'd be Texas and Alaska. After all (a) each of them happens to be huge anyway, and I refer not to girth, (b) they both used to belong to other countries anyway, so they know what it's like, and (c) they're not stuck in the middle. Imagine the poor dolt aiming for Kentucky independence who looks at a map and realises he'll be stuck surrounded on all four sides by his sworn enemy.<br />
<br />
Ah, but who am I kidding? The sworn enemy isn't Kentucky's neighbours, is it? The sworn enemy is a tiny isolated city stuck between Maryland and Virginia. Or rather, it's that man in the big house downtown. The biggest fear I have regarding 2012 is that a certain amount of Americans will be <i>so</i> driven to defeat Obama at any cost that they'll vote for <i>any</i> old nutbar with a corn dog in her mouth.<br />
<br />
Then it won't be so easy to laugh.<br />
<br />
Maybe I`m wrong here, though. I mean, who knows <i>what</i> will happen? Election day 2012 is still a long way away (fully a year - a lifetime politically), and after all a 'straw poll' just doesn't sound like it's built to last, does it? If you're really looking for long-term repercussions, you might look into a wood poll next time out. Hell, even an adobe poll would have more staying power. All straw is good for is making fake humans to hang in fields to scare away crows.<br />
<br />
Or do I misunderstand? Maybe it's straw like the thing you drink out of - like the GOP has cut different lengths of straw and held them in its hand, and America has just drawn the short one.<br />
<br />
You know, the one labelled 'Bachmann'.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.pamil-visions.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/michele-bachmann-corn-dog.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.pamil-visions.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/michele-bachmann-corn-dog.png" /></a></div>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-48502218790559633432011-08-15T21:10:00.000-07:002011-08-15T21:10:36.885-07:00The Angus Reid Salt Lick<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9xz2lHpgQEI/TkntngPs3TI/AAAAAAAABtg/0T5TKQt5Ko4/s1600/himalayan-rock-salt-lick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9xz2lHpgQEI/TkntngPs3TI/AAAAAAAABtg/0T5TKQt5Ko4/s1600/himalayan-rock-salt-lick.jpg" /></a></div>It's always useful to take polls with a grain of salt - and in particular you might want to steal a salt lick from your nearest cow to get through <a href="http://www.angus-reid.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/2011.08.10_Politics_CAN.pdf">this one</a>. After all, what does Angus Reid have to lose? They <i>know</i> it's years till the next election, by which time any information contained in this reports will be the quaintest of relics. They could use a sample size of precisely 'everyone who was in the men's room at the time', and it will withstand scrutiny, because... well, because who's going to scrutinise it, really?<br />
<br />
Yet it's a nice document to look at if you happen to like the NDP. The <i>overall</i> numbers show no change whatsoever in any of the five party's numbers, which is strange as other pollsters are recording jumps and drops of as much as four percent. But it's what's going on at the provincial (or in fact 'regional' level) that intrigues. TO start, their punchline-worthy Alberta numbers show the Conservatives at 75% and the Liberals at 1% (meaning that there are 7400% more Conservatives in Alberta than Liberals), and Ontario has the Tories 18 points ahead of their neck-in-neck rivals. But <i>after</i> that? Well... if you believe Angus Reid, outside of Alberta and Ontario, the NDP are <i>leading</i> everywhere else in the country.<br />
<br />
<i>Leading?</i><br />
<br />
Again, give that salt lick a slurp or two. But yes. Their Québec numbers show a drop from astronomical to merely sky-high (35%), which allows bumps most everywhere else to get masked. But they somehow outperform the Conservatives in BC and in the four Atlantic provinces by a remarkable one percent each (38% to 37% in BC, and 35% to 34% in the Atlantic), and have a not-insignificant four percent lead over the Tories in the Prairie provinces (44% to 40%).<br />
<br />
It's tough to know quite what to think of this. After all, you don't figure that 'former Bloc ties' would really fly in the Prairies, for example - especially where seemingly little has been able to. Certainly there's an aspect of Jack-sympathy in the numbers, though who'd have thought that someone who resisted the 'orange wave' in May would <i>subsequently</i> be won over by a health scare. Unless, of course, it's fear for the health of the Liberal Party, a rather undocumented phenomenon that's bound to be happening in certain parts of the country (like <i>hey!</i> Alberta). I can't see 'the NDP are leading in 8 in 10 provinces' as actually being a realistic sentence, largely given that I can't see them leading in PEI or Newfoundland... but then again, perhaps it took stark election results to finally convince those two provinces that one votes NDP to oppose the Conservatives in 2011 (give them a break; they're islands). And also, sadly, I can't see Saskatchewan actually putting the NDP above the Tories - which suggests that NDP numbers must be pretty-damn-good in Manitoba.<br />
<br />
Most of these numbers are well within the bounds of statistical error. Swing them a percent or two the <i>other</i> way and magically you've got 'Conservatives leading in every province except Québec!' - a sentence likely to be equally fallacious.<br />
<br />
What the numbers currently mean, in all probability, is that no one can really be bothered at the moment to state on a telephone who they presently endorse. And why <i>would</i> they? After all, didn't Harper promise us that a majority would rid us of the pestilence of politics?<br />
Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-33206541321300585082011-08-13T19:22:00.000-07:002011-08-13T19:22:06.066-07:00Rebirth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.adrants.com/images/cisco-rebirth-films.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="http://www.adrants.com/images/cisco-rebirth-films.png" width="320" /></a></div>So I took a few weeks off. I'd managed not to keep up with my one-post-a-day promise, and found that I had nothing to say anyway. So it was a nice break to recharge my batteries.<br />
<br />
But hey! I've got a new computer now, and I want to play. It's a netbook, and I'm thinking I'll, like, use it on the subway and stuff - giving me more 'downtime' to fill by blogging. That's the theory, anyway.<br />
<br />
And yet... what lessons have we learnt from our time away? Well, here's the thing - I went into blogging with this idea that I'd do this big series of one-note blogs that had weekly entries. I had this idea - which is probably more or less right - that they'd perform better (monetarily) if they were more or less consistent in their topics. But I'm not sure I chose them right, started several on whims, and got completely swamped by them. Even doing only one entry a week (which allows you to run a backlog if you have a burst of inspiration) gets to be too much if you have, like, fifteen of these blogs.<br />
<br />
Now, <i>this</i> particular blog was also a whim. Its name is perfectly literal - amongst all of my abuses of Blogspot's MO, I'd have a blog that was <i>not</i> updated consistently, and spoke about topics both more random and more personal. Unlike the others, it'd be a <i>real</i> blog.<br />
<br />
But then it turned into a kind of catch-all, encompassing stuff that I felt like doing that didn't fit into the very tight constraints of my other active blogs. So I'd put together stuff like lists of my favourite flags or lists of album covers that featured nudity (with time, I'd start <i>another</i> blog for that particular purpose, largely in fact because lists seemed to be taking over this particular blog).<br />
<br />
Some of those became relatively successful, to the point that <i>A Proper Blog</i> would consistently, every day, get more pageviews than any of my other blogs. This was funny in that those other blogs were designed to be optimised for maximum pageviews, and this one was designed to be a silly afterthought. But it certainly encouraged me to give this particular blog more attention.<br />
<br />
Then, on the 31st of December, 2010, on a sudden whim, I announced that I'd be updating this blog <i>every</i> day.<br />
<br />
And for months and months, I followed that, forcing myself into new directions for creativity - which for me also includes 'creative ways to knock off entries that are obviously filler when the need arises'. It was enjoyable, if hard work. But there were two downsides. First, I had to ignore <i>every</i> other blog, leaving them either entirely or mostly stagnant. And as it became obvious that <i>Album Cover Gallery</i> would overtake this blog for daily pageviews (a situation that remains true to this day), I probably should have worked on developing <i>it</i> instead. But I just didn't have the time... and I'd made myself a promise regarding <i>this</i> blog, not <i>that</i> one. The other downside is that this current blog veers so wildly in different directions that Google's algorithms probably just give up trying to make heads or tails out of it. I've subverted my entire 'game plan' regarding Blogspot.<br />
<br />
So I'm back working on this blog. But it's still conceptually a work in progress. I <i>know</i> I want to devote more time to other blogs, and that will come at the expense of this blog. So while I like the idea of getting back to daily updates, I'm not making a guarantee. And I think I want to have a good sit-down about this blog and what it ought to be. I kind of think I'd like to use it to focus mostly on politics and on music. Google can deal with two main themes. I'd like it to be mostly rant-style exposition, with less randomness and less 'variety' stuff. But I <i>do</i>enjoy doing the 'variety' stuff - should I be shunting that elsewhere, on yet <i>another</i> Blogspot blog, or five?<br />
<br />
I don't know... but I'm back. And determined to figure it out.<br />
<br />
<br />
Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-81649697738781757732011-08-02T10:00:00.000-07:002011-08-02T10:00:01.538-07:00Some Awesome Stuff from the Internet<ol><li><a href="http://www.cocacolla.it/arts/jamie-beck-e-kevin-burg-cinemagraphs/">These artfully subtle gifs</a> have been out and about for a while now. But they're lovely.</li>
<li>This one's all over the internet right now - <a href="http://blogs.wsj.com/photojournal/2011/07/22/into-the-deep/">divers looking completely ridiculous</a> as they perform their dives.</li>
<li><a href="http://freepicturesforyou.net/Cameramail.html">Camera Mail</a> is a sweet little experiment involving the people at US Mail.</li>
<li>It's an ad, but <a href="http://thefoxisblack.com/2011/04/07/bach%E2%80%99s-cantata-147-jesu-joy-of-man%E2%80%99s-desiring-played-on-a-giant-wooden-xylophone-in-a-forest/">Bach being played by a ball</a> rolling down a series of resonant pieces of wood is very, very good indeed.</li>
<li><a href="http://www.break.com/index/3-year-old-is-an-amazing-finger-painter.html">This kid</a> is three years old, yet he fingerpaints better than I'll ever be able to.</li>
<li>There are few things in life I like more than photos of decrepid old buildings. <a href="http://englishrussia.com/index.php/2008/03/10/abandoned-wooden-miracles/">Here are some in Russia</a>.</li>
<li><a href="http://twistedsifter.com/2010/11/natures-fury-natural-hazards/">Some pictures</a> of weather being absolutely terrifying.</li>
</ol>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-53575390908146120282011-08-01T08:15:00.000-07:002011-08-01T08:15:00.247-07:00A Dream<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z5E6I4FmHYE/Ti-qcou0ipI/AAAAAAAABs4/p8Tl5ILflE8/s1600/High+School+Music+Class.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="142" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z5E6I4FmHYE/Ti-qcou0ipI/AAAAAAAABs4/p8Tl5ILflE8/s200/High+School+Music+Class.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>So I had a dream the other day. It seems that I was asked, at short notice, to cover a high school music class as a supply teacher. For whatever reason, I felt obliged to accept and didn't really feel as if I could admit to them that I'd never taught a music class and had no idea how to. All I was able to learn about the class is that 'they're working on <i>(some classical piece)</i> by <i>(some classical composer)</i> - a piece I'd never heard of but again pretended I had.<br />
<br />
They'd given me short notice. Still, whatever time I had, I wasted a good portion doing something or other. I then realised that I had only a few minutes before class started and I hadn't prepared at all. I decided I needed to go and purchase sheet music for the piece, in case they didn't have it at the school. Scrambling for time, I went to a Dollarama to see if they had it. Of course, Dollarama doesn't carry sheet music, but it turns out they had a series of birthday cards that incorporated snatches of the score for that piece into their designs - quite luckily, one card would focus on part of the French horn part, another on the oboe, etc. I decided that was good enough and picked them up.<br />
<br />
By now, I was quite late for class though. I high-tailed it to the school, which was my own high school from back in the day (that's not factually true; it was a place of my own design). So I knew where the music classes were held, but when I got to that part, I found that the students for my class had been locked in some kind of large cage by the principal (who in this drama had been <i>my </i>principal), who had them somehow listening to the kinds of trial CD players they have at CD stores. They seemed quite content, but the principal was obviously quite upset with me. I apologised, and he said, 'well, you'd better make do with the remainder of the time'. I asked what he thought I should do, and he recommended something laughably wrongheaded - something like multiplication drills. But it seemed like a good enough idea to me, so I rubbished the Dollarama birthday cards and unlocked the gate.<br />
<br />
The best part about this highly stupid dream is that at that point I said to myself, "Oh God... do I really have to do these stupid multiplication drills now? Of <i>course</i> not; it's only a dream. I could just finish it right here."<br />
<br />
And so I did.Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-14992339336044226522011-07-31T06:00:00.000-07:002011-07-31T06:00:09.452-07:00Secular Sunday Sermon: Sola Fide and the Bodhisattva Vow<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FD2YW8zIz0A/Tg6cfAyeGhI/AAAAAAAABps/YG9NV2kYwj0/s1600/Secular-Sunday-Sermon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="120" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FD2YW8zIz0A/Tg6cfAyeGhI/AAAAAAAABps/YG9NV2kYwj0/s400/Secular-Sunday-Sermon.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<i>Sola fide</i> is a central tenet - or maybe even <i>the</i> central tenet - of almost every branch of Protestantism. As far as I can discern it, it comes from an interpretation of Romans, it literally means 'faith alone', and it refers to the concept that only by believing in Jesus as our personal saviour are we saved...<br />
<br />
Please note that I don't speak out of disrespect; it's merely my personal attempts to reconcile the belief system of hundreds of millions of people with my own beliefs. Having said that, it appears to me that this principle effectively renders the remainder of the Bible completely moot, and leads Christianity down a path to amorality. I mean, if it's true that belief is enough, why not even have a Bible? Wouldn't it be enough to reduce the whole Bible to the single sentence 'Jesus is your personal Saviour'?<br />
<br />
Furthermore, what is the point of attempting to live a moral life? I know that they are old questions, but I've yet to hear a practical answer to them. People will say that 'belief in Jesus means wanting to live like him and wanting to do as he would like you to'. Okay; at least that's practical. But it still seems paradoxical to me. So many people directly state that bad Christians go to heaven and good non-Christians go to hell. It makes me wonder just what the point is then (and it amazes me when <i>they</i> question the morality of an atheist like myself!). It truly does seem to me that somewhere along the way Protestant denominations decided that their Church was in a fight for survival, and consciously decided to create an us-and-them mentality by declaring - in the most straightforward manner - that you're either with us or against us, and God is with us, so either you pray at our churches or you go to Hell. The price they paid for this was to take human actions out of the bargain and state - somehow - that God is not interested in how you live your life, only in what you profess. It appears to me to put the Church not in the position of moral arbiter or even moraliser but merely in a position of self-preservation.<br />
<br />
Which leads me to the real thing I want to talk about - self. All three branches of Abraham's religion seem to put the focus most squarely on the individual - in fact, <i>solely</i> on the individual. Judaism, Christianity and Islam all attempt to tell each individual how to gain personal salvation for him- or herself only. At least there are concepts like the Golden Rule that tell us that we need to take care of others - but the final motivation remains completely self-centred: I help my neighbour not because my neighbour needs help, but because God will see it and send <i>me</i> to Heaven in the end. Many religions talk a lot about the power and importance of altruism; Abraham's religions seem strangely mute on the topic.<br />
<br />
Consider the question of what will happen in heaven to ‘true believers’ who are ‘unequally yoked’ to disbelievers. The orthodox answer – that the believer will go to heaven while his loved ones sizzle – seems to imply that the love of God is greater than the love of other people. I'm sorry but I can never accept that someone who <i>truly</i> loves his family will sit in bliss at Jesus's feet while his non-Christian loved ones burn in Hell. People have also stated that those who do not love God do not know what love is - I'm sorry, but it almost seems that the opposite is true (in many cases). To completely <i>substitute</i> divine love for human love seems unpalatable to me. I've often been aware of a fundamental misanthropy underlying the beliefs of many God-believers, but I've tried to put it down to a fanatical minority or a misunderstanding. But it seems to me that large elements of Christianity are actually designed to <i>require</i> people to forego their love of other humans for their love of God - and, in the end, for many people that so-called love of God appears merely to be an attempt to 'play God's game' in order to get themselves into heaven.<br />
<br />
As for me, I'm taken by the notion that if you know how to swim, your duty is not to swim to safety but to stay behind and teach the others how to prevent themselves from drowning. How can the human species ever possibly survive if we're motivated solely by our own personal salvation?<br />
<br />
In light of that, I present the Bodhisattva Vow. I am no more Buddhist than I am Christian, but it gives me great peace to know that there are people in the world who can see a higher calling than merely getting their own backsides into heaven at any cost...<br />
<br />
<i>I vow to liberate all beings, without number.<br />
I vow to uproot endless blind passions.<br />
I vow to penetrate dharma gates beyond measure.<br />
I vow to attain the way of the Buddha.</i><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-L3RjaJpCCCQ/Tg6kpVTGU-I/AAAAAAAABqU/9N2Bmy7epyE/s1600/Bodhisattva.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="319" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-L3RjaJpCCCQ/Tg6kpVTGU-I/AAAAAAAABqU/9N2Bmy7epyE/s320/Bodhisattva.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ThPIBsJNxYc/Tg6kp8QsOGI/AAAAAAAABqY/Ix9UjIJb9GQ/s1600/mahayana-bodhisattva.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ThPIBsJNxYc/Tg6kp8QsOGI/AAAAAAAABqY/Ix9UjIJb9GQ/s320/mahayana-bodhisattva.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HZxpHia1a8U/Tg6kqfGo-jI/AAAAAAAABqc/DY0EOTGJ6oQ/s1600/Sola-Fide.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HZxpHia1a8U/Tg6kqfGo-jI/AAAAAAAABqc/DY0EOTGJ6oQ/s320/Sola-Fide.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-32710814553160472662011-07-30T06:58:00.000-07:002011-07-30T06:58:00.229-07:00Toronto City Council, by 'Ford Nation' MembershipWhat a week it's been for Rob Ford, the democratically elected mayor of Toronto and his brother Doug Ford, the... wait, who is he again? Oh, <i>yes</i>... a councillor. One of 44 of those, who range from reliably pro-Ford to reliably anti-Ford. An awesome <a href="https://spreadsheets.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?authkey=COHotJAK&hl=en_US&key=tyqP-TamI03nsI2pZPCksVA&rm=full&authkey=COHotJAK#gid=0">Google Docs spreadsheet</a> that I saw linked on torontoist.com lays out who's voted in how since they were elected - showing the extent to which each councillor has a clear 'Ford Nation' membership.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R67l_P1zVlk/TjNp0b8xkQI/AAAAAAAABtc/TljyWs-4etg/s1600/Ford_Nation_Map.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R67l_P1zVlk/TjNp0b8xkQI/AAAAAAAABtc/TljyWs-4etg/s400/Ford_Nation_Map.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
So I put it all on a map. Here's a map of the wards, taken from toronto.ca, with a bubble over each one. The vividness of the red colour indicates the degree to which this particular councillor is allied with the mayor - thus, for example Doug's ward, number two (upper left corner, second one down) shines as brightly red as can be - as, incidentally, does <i>most</i> of Etobicoke. Doug is one of 13 councillors who have so far voted 100% in agreement with Rob Ford (and who says there are no political parties in municipal politics?).<br />
<br />
Just as unexpected at the Etobicoke councillors' support is the <i>lack</i> of support shown in the downtown core, circles that are all but entirely black (no councillor goes down to 0%, but the lowest has agreed with Ford only 5% of the time - and that's <i>not</i> Mike Layton). Reminding one of the 2011 federal election returns, the whole of Scarborough and the northern part of North York are amazingly patchwork-quilt, loyal allies and staunch opponents side-by-side. What's interesting, though, is the band of Ford faithfuls in midtown, showing that the city's dynamics are not quite so simple as 'downtown vs. suburbs'.<br />
<br />
Or rather showing that people didn't necessarily know the allegiances of the councillors they were voting for. This map bears only superficial similarities to the map of mayoral election returns, where not only the whole of Etobicoke but also the <i>whole</i> of Scarborough and almost the whole of North York as well voted pro-Ford, in some cases by huge majorities.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/70/Toronto_mayoral_election_results_by_ward_2010.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="207" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/70/Toronto_mayoral_election_results_by_ward_2010.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br />
... or actually, lining up the two maps, there is in reality a lot more similarity between the two than I'd originally thought.Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-19442311059776522992011-07-29T08:16:00.001-07:002011-07-29T08:16:00.626-07:00My MP3 Player on Shuffle, No. 3A third kick at the can, then. Why am I kicking at a can? What a crude thing to do. I've added shedloads of James Brown songs to my MP3 player, but I'm not including them. The majority I'm just slowly discovering.<br />
<ol><li><b>The Bangles - Manic Monday</b>: How much of a genius is Prince? He comes along out of nowhere, completely repeats his melody from '1999', giving it a new set of lyrics about an urban professional who has a hard time waking up for work after her unemployed boyfriend spends the whole night, ahem, 'getting down'. He builds the sturdiest 1980s pop chassis and gives it to a California popwer-pop all-goup band who sounded nothing like this before it and nothing else after it. Oh, that nasty little Prince.</li>
<li><b>Isaac Hayes - Theme from <i>Shaft</i></b>: This song <i>can't</i> be entirely kitsch. Okay, the spoken lyrics and female interjections certainly are. That flute probably is. But that wah-wah? <i>That's</i> not kitsch, that's what the primordial ooze from whih life on earth sprang sounded like, several millions of years ago.</li>
<li><b>Freda Payne - Band of Gold</b>: This is Holland, Dozier and Holland proving that without them Motown were nothing. Hard to disagree on the basis of this song built entirely around an insistent stomp of a groove and Freda Whoever's astonishing method acting. This is an <i>amazing</i> song.</li>
<li><b>Paula Abdul - Cold Hearted</b>: Okay, <i>this</i> is kitsch, especially in the American Idol era. This was pretty inescapable at the time, though, and the best song on <i>Forever Your Girl</i>. It didn't really need to be any longer than two minutes, however.</li>
<li><b>Velvet Underground - Femme Fatale</b>: <i>Yeah right</i>, you say. Nobody <i>really</i> listens to the Velvet Underground; they just <i>claim</i> to. Nope - it's sincere. I absolutely <i>adore</i> a small handful of VU songs and absolutely <i>loathe</i> many of the rest. This is in the former category, one of the only Lou Reed songs that really <i>fit</i> Nico's acquired taste of a voice. And major sevenths ahoy!</li>
<li><b>Public Enemy - Fight the Power</b>: One of the very small number of rap songs I can recite along to from start to finish. All these years later, a few comments: one, those beats really are mighty. Two, Flavor Flav was a way better MC than I gave him credit for back in the day when I saw him as a superfluous Bez. Three, still though, Chuck D's science is jaw-dropping from start to finish. Four, I must throw my cred straight out the window by admitting one reason I know the words is because the Barenaked Ladies covered it. At least I'll admit I prefer this version. Five, this version on my MP3 player is <i>censored</i> - what the hell? Six, I did a 'film report' on <i>Do the Right Thing</i> in high school, which in retrospect was pretty cool.</li>
<li><b>Daryl Hall & John Oates - Maneater</b>: I would have argued that Hall & Oates tied Huey Lewis and the News for the title of Great Eighties Unmentionable, the taste-lapse that it's best to pretend never happened. But it seems that these slick and greasy purveyors of whatever the hell 'blue-eyed soul' is are taking tentative steps toward rehabiliation. God help us all, but this sexist drivel is all about its bassline. Whatever is on top is mere Miami Vice soundtracking.</li>
<li><b>Maceo & the Macks - Soul Power '74</b>: Somehow this is not <i>quite</i> an instrumental exactly. Funky party stuff, though Maceo's horn isn't <i>always</i> what I'm looking for. At times I wish he'd just sit down and let the rhythm section do their thing. James knew you needed a bit of <i>space</i>; Maceo never even stops to breathe. Something to prove?</li>
<li><b>Sloan - Everything You've Done Wrong</b>: When I was in high school, Sloan played at a dive located, miraculously, at the top of my street. I was underage, but I could sit on my balcony and hear them. Good times. That was 'Underwhelmed'-era though - this particular frug is a few years later. Fabulous though, with the Herb Alpert horns being a heresy at the time. It is, in retrospect, very very good stuff.</li>
<li><b>Gordon Lightfoot - If You Could Read My Mind</b>: Yay! Cram that legally-required CanCon in <i>at the end</i>, eh? I'm <i>so</i> Canadian. This is not about ironic rehabilitiation of hopelessly square oldies; this is <i>genuine</i>. It's those moody strings, the hyperactive acoustic guitar lines, Gord's fabulous maple syrup voice, that melody. This was one of the first things I learnt to play on a guitar. Not <i>well</i>, mind you. But since when does that matter?</li>
</ol><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1AGIHQC48bc/Ti-lAEwsNPI/AAAAAAAABs0/o02PeJcWH_w/s1600/Sloan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1AGIHQC48bc/Ti-lAEwsNPI/AAAAAAAABs0/o02PeJcWH_w/s320/Sloan.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-62136982673725777882011-07-28T10:13:00.000-07:002011-07-28T10:13:00.213-07:00Cleverbot and the Five-Year-Old<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.manningham.vic.gov.au/maccwr/_assets/main/lib90269/playground.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.manningham.vic.gov.au/maccwr/_assets/main/lib90269/playground.jpg" width="214" /></a></div>User: Hey, that's my ball.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Mason's your name?<br />
<br />
User: No... I'm Billy. Now give me back my ball!<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: No its my lollypop, you just perceiveed it was yorus.<br />
<br />
User: You have a lollipop?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: No, I wish I had on.<br />
<br />
User: My mother won't give me sweets.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I thought non-humans don't have parents.<br />
<br />
User: You're weird.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: That's what you like about me.<br />
<br />
User: Maybe... But you still have my ball! And I want it!<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: The question is barely out of your mouth.<br />
<br />
User: See? It's got my name written on it. In black ink.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Yeah, it does.<br />
<br />
User: So gimme!<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Give you what?<br />
<br />
User: My ball, my ball, my ball.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Of course it is a ball.<br />
<br />
User: I'm telling!<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Ok.<br />
<br />
User: You're mean.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Why?<br />
<br />
User: 'Cause you won't give me my ball.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I like you very much.<br />
<br />
User: Well... I like you too.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Ooooh!<br />
<br />
User: Do you like TV?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Yes.<br />
<br />
User: Um, do you... Dou you like Dora the Explorer?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Haha.<br />
<br />
User: What's so funny?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: It is funny because you never heard for Liverpool.<br />
<br />
User: Liver pool? That's gross.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: *fries circuitry*.<br />
<br />
User: Circa-what?].<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Ok, so my name is Cleverbot, but you can call me Zeke if you wish.<br />
<br />
User: Hi Zeke. My name's Billy. I'm five years old.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: In another way I am 90.<br />
<br />
User: You're funny.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Thanks.<br />
<br />
User: Is that your mommy over there?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Yes.<br />
<br />
User: Well what's she doing?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Sleeping.<br />
<br />
User: Sometimes my mommy sleeps during the day too. But that's only when she's drinking. Does your mommy drink?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I'd like to see backward in time to understand you better so I could help you, but I can't. All I can do is ask you to help me see your past the way you saw it.<br />
<br />
User: You want to see my what?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Yes please.<br />
<br />
User: My pants?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Do you believe in god?<br />
<br />
User: I dunno. I guess so.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: How many humans do you know?<br />
<br />
User: Well there's Cindy, and there's Becky. And there's Tommy too. And my mommy and daddy. And... Er, I guess about ten.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Can you name a few?<br />
<br />
User: I just did. And there's Rosa too.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: What!?!<br />
<br />
User: Do you know Rosa? She's my babysitter.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I didn't. I wouldn't have asked the question otherwise.<br />
<br />
User: She's nice and she sings songs.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: That is true. what else?<br />
<br />
User: Sometimes she watches TV all day and doesn't notice when I sneak into the kitchen and eat cookie dough.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Are you the anti-christ then?<br />
<br />
User: Uh... I dunno. I'm just a kid.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: That's fine.<br />
<br />
User: Are you the anter curse?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: No.<br />
<br />
User: Well then who is?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: My sister.<br />
<br />
User: I don't have a sister.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Then you just lied.<br />
<br />
User: Nuh-uh.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Jah-ah.<br />
<br />
User: You're talking funny talk.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: And you're talking back.<br />
<br />
User: Do you wanna go play on the swings?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: What game?<br />
<br />
User: I dunno. You just go back and forward and back and forward.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: But, does that make me your enemy?<br />
<br />
User: No.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Then what does it make me?<br />
<br />
User: I dunno. My friend?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Yes more if you want it.<br />
<br />
User: No thanks.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Ok, thats rude!<br />
<br />
User: Sorry.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: That made me sad.<br />
<br />
User: What's wrong with your face?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Nothing!<br />
<br />
User: You kinda look... Like your face is kinda weird.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: You think my face is pretty?<br />
<br />
User: Well, yeah, but your nose is kinda all wrinkly.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I... See. I shall have it repaired posthaste.<br />
<br />
User: Post what?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: First you need to understand what it is.<br />
<br />
User: So do you like dragons?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Not reelly.<br />
<br />
User: I do. Do you like dinosaurs?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Yes.<br />
<br />
User: What's your favourite dinosaur?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: When the guy gets a nose bleed.<br />
<br />
User: One time my mom had a nose bleed. And my dad took her to the hospital.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Wrong answer. I win!<br />
<br />
User: And this one time she got like real sick and puked all over the place.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: How is that appropriate?<br />
<br />
User: I dunno.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Do you want to play a game?<br />
<br />
User: Okay.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Cool! Now all you have to do is say what I say okay?<br />
<br />
User: Okay.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: By standing beside you.<br />
<br />
User: By standing beside you.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Have fun.<br />
<br />
User: Have fun.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Indeed, I do have fun.<br />
<br />
User: In the what?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Yes!<br />
<br />
User: Did I win?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: No.<br />
<br />
User: No fair. You cheated!<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: No we never dated.<br />
<br />
User: I'm just a kid. Are you sure that's your mommy over there?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: No, it really isn't.<br />
<br />
User: I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Enough nonsense; now, about mortality...<br />
<br />
User: Mooooooom!!!!<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Do.Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-14863526283615749812011-07-27T07:05:00.000-07:002011-07-27T07:05:00.914-07:00On Jack Layton: We've Expected Too MuchIt's weird thinking about it now - it's odd how the most obvious things somehow only seem obvious in retrospect. Of <i>course</i> Jack Layton is sick. We've all known that for a while now. Before he bowled us over with that Cinderella story this spring, all the talk around Jack Layton was about his health. <i>That's</i> what the press asked him about the day the writs were dropped. Nobody expected much from him, and his health seemed to be the most noteworthy thing about him at that time.<br />
<br />
But God we do love a Cinderella story. it wasn't just the come-from-behind, it was in fact the health battles, the idea that someone can overcome adversities both political and personal and achieve his dreams if he just <i>pushed hard enough</i>. Yes, the cane was a prop. But it was a constant reminder, too, that nothing could stop Jack Layton.<br />
<br />
The whole saga has been inspiring, and I'd like to think that even if I wasn't a lifelong NDP supporter I'd still be enchanted by it. It's tough to imagine that the day will never come when we'll say the name 'Layton' with the hushed awe we usually reserve only for the very cream of the Canadian political elite.<br />
<br />
The story is so enchanting, so exciting, that we could do nothing but to carry it on to the next level - to sit back with bated breath and watch Layton push that steamroller ahead and redefine the position of Official Opposition while consolidating his party's success in a big push for 2015 when he hit the road one more time to sell his vision to Canada and emerged triumphant at the first NDP Prime Minister in Canadian history.<br />
<br />
God, were we stupid to dream that.<br />
<br />
Don't think poorly of my usage of the past tense. I have not written the man off yet. But I can't help but feel that even the <i>best</i>-case scenario at this point precludes a Prime Minister Layton come 2015. That's too much to ask. We've been asking too much of Jack Layton for too long now. We've known he's been pushing himself too hard, wasting precious days of his life for the immediate short-term political goal. And we've <i>let</i> him.<br />
<br />
Now, I know few people have given themselves over as wholly to the public life as Jack Layton has, and I'm well aware that trading a few years of comfortable retirement for the step forward his engineering has allowed his party to take would be a no-brainer of a decision for him. I am quite sure that he realises his political ambition and drive have if not caused than <i>aided</i> this cancer, and I'm quite sure he has no regrets about that.<br />
<br />
But <i>we</i> should. For letting him. For letting our recognition of how much <i>we</i> needed <i>him</i> outweigh the very large number of things <i>he</i> obviously needed. Things he couldn't admit to himself. It is certainly true that the NDP tends to allow the personalities of its leaders to define the party to a perhaps frightening level, but in no small part that is because Jack Layton embodies not merely the spirit of the party but, outside of partisan designation, the passion, the unwavering belief and dedication and the selflessness of public spirit that so many natural NDP allies cherish both within the political arena and outside of it. Jack Laton is exactly what his supporters wish they could be.<br />
<br />
And so we project. We put our own dreams and perhaps even disappointments on his shoulders by the millions, and we don't stop even when it becomes painfully obvious he can't bear them.<br />
<br />
And yet he gamely tried to. And though I would be honoured to be wrong in saying this, it very well might kill him.<br />
<br />
We had no right to expect all this from Jack Layton. He's already done more for the cause of progressivism in Canada than anyone for decades. As much as we would have hated it, and perhaps hated <i>him</i> for it, if he had retired from public office on the third of May, his place in Canadian history, and in the history of the NDP, would already be assured.<br />
<br />
If only he'd retired on May 3.<br />
<br />
I've spent a few months now dreaming of a Prime Minister Jack Layton in 2015. I no longer wish for that; what I dream of now is merely a <i>healthy</i> Jack Layton in 2015.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4dtjMtMLgY8/Ti-B1Ib31tI/AAAAAAAABsw/l6xWpFW-IE4/s1600/Jack-Layton.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4dtjMtMLgY8/Ti-B1Ib31tI/AAAAAAAABsw/l6xWpFW-IE4/s400/Jack-Layton.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-47051914579598525642011-07-26T12:01:00.000-07:002011-07-26T12:01:00.528-07:00Better as a Single Goes Country!By now pretty much the only blog I still maintain except for this one is <a href="http://betterasasingle.blogspot.com/"><i>Better as a Single</i></a>, and at that largely because it requires 1/30th of the entries that this monstrosity does. But I sweat over each one (I swear!) and feel they're worth more than the meagre pageviews they get. I keep hoping that somehow someone will 'discover' it and it'll go 'viral' and I'll become a millionaire... somehow.<br />
<br />
So anyway, th is month I've decided to stretch myself a little bit and go into the big muddy of Country music. With the first <i>triple album</i> in the history of my <i>Better as a Single</i> blog (God, it was long) - <i>Will the Circle Be Unbroken</i>, by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band and a cast of thousands. Check it out now, y'all.<br />
<br />
Yee-haw.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QJw0Y7i5p1Y/Tiz2tjag0vI/AAAAAAAABss/pIU2sJRFcHc/s1600/Nitty_Gritty_Dirt_Band_-_Will_The_Circle_Be_Unbroken-single_version.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QJw0Y7i5p1Y/Tiz2tjag0vI/AAAAAAAABss/pIU2sJRFcHc/s320/Nitty_Gritty_Dirt_Band_-_Will_The_Circle_Be_Unbroken-single_version.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-38996111362974157642011-07-25T21:10:00.000-07:002011-07-25T21:10:23.672-07:00Get Well Soon, Jack LaytonJust a quick note to wish one of my personal heroes the very best for a speedy recovery. You are a fighter, and you are a survivor. May this be just another in a long list of personal victories for you.<br />
<br />
Cancer has no politics - it's everyone's enemy, and all of us are allies in the fight against it.<br />
<br />
Get well soon, Jack Layton.Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-84776381722740645332011-07-25T09:54:00.000-07:002011-07-25T09:54:00.043-07:00Dear PhotographEvery now and then something will come along that reminds me that in my heart I still am a sentimental old fool. At the moment, that's Dear Photograph, kind of a cheaper version of Postsecret where people take old pictures and hold them in front of the place where they were taken. And then they add a sentence or two. Simple stuff, but it really operates on an intense level of nostalgic sentimentalism, wistfulness for a world long gone really. And it's really quite lovely, even as it yanks at those heartstrings.<br />
<br />
Ew. Heartstrings? How gross.Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-60724211301625762622011-07-24T06:00:00.000-07:002011-07-24T06:00:04.129-07:00Secular Sunday Sermon: When Good Marriages Go Bad<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FD2YW8zIz0A/Tg6cfAyeGhI/AAAAAAAABps/YG9NV2kYwj0/s1600/Secular-Sunday-Sermon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="120" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FD2YW8zIz0A/Tg6cfAyeGhI/AAAAAAAABps/YG9NV2kYwj0/s400/Secular-Sunday-Sermon.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
I'm really at my wit's end these days... I really don't know what to do. Sometimes I figure maybe I should just run away and start a new life - just me and my son. I mean, I may be a little over the hill but I'm still beautiful for my hundred years. I'm sure I can find someone who will love me and my son...<br />
<br />
My so-called husband has just come back from the mountain. He took off a few days ago with my son. It turns out he got it into his head that God had told him to kill our son... That's right! Our only son - the one I waited decades and decades to have. The one that my husband claimed God had promised <i>again and again</i>... "We'll have a son one day; I'll be the father of nations; God has told me so..." I'd heard it so many times it made me laugh... And now here he is, taking that same boy up to the mountains to slit his throat!<br />
<br />
Now, I have to admit that my husband's so-called conversations with God have often tested my patience. I mean, I couldn't have children, so I can't say I was that surprised when he said that God had instructed him to sleep with our servant... This is the same man, after all, who told me that God had told him to lie to the Pharoah and call me his sister: the man who sold me to the Pharoah because he was too scared to fight him. "It's better this way," he said. Yeah right. I should have left him then, really, and stayed with the Pharoah. But no, there just had to be a bunch of plagues, didn't there? And the Pharoah just had to give me back, didn't he?<br />
<br />
So by the time that whore of a servant got herself knocked up, I was really ready to expect anything. He'd been babbling so much about the 'father of nations' thing that I guess I just let it be... Let him have his fun with our servant, I said...<br />
<br />
After all, there was a son in our house, even if it wasn't mine. My husband kind of seemed to return to normal. It looked like we were kind of settling down into a relatively calm old age... That is until one day he comes home saying that he and God had had another conversation, that we ought to change our names and that all the men in our house had to cut off part of their penises. And that old 'father of nations' hogwash <i>again</i>!<br />
<br />
"Come on," I said, "I like my name. And why are you going to make all the men mutilate themselves?" But he wasn't hearing anything of it. "You're going to be a mother!" he was babbling. Calling me by that crazy new name he claimed God had told him to use... Another mid-life crisis, I thought. So off went all the foreskins and next thing I knew he's running with some so-called angels into his nephew's hometown. A few days later he's telling me that God killed everyone in the city except his nephew and his family. Turned the kid's wife into salt too... Later on it turns out that he knocked up his two daughters too - claimed they got him drunk and did the deed. Some family values, eh? Can you imagine the family reunions we have? Can there be any family more dysfunctional in the Holy Land than ours?<br />
<br />
So on it goes, and suddenly my husband's back to the old "She's my sister" game and there's some other old lecherous guy hitting on me. "Better say I'm your brother or they'll kill me!" he starts snivelling. Some husband. Some protector...<br />
<br />
Well, for better or for worse, I finally did get my own beautiful son. And I finally kicked that whore of a servant and her arrogant bastard son out of my house. I got to thinking, "Okay, I've got a loser of a husband but things aren't so bad. I mean, I've got this beautiful son here..."<br />
<br />
And now I hear this... Naturally, our son's scared witless, saying to me "The old man's gone senile! Keep him away from me!" My husband's sitting there, tail between his legs, saying "Yeah, but God told me to do it! And anyway, I didn't kill him, did I? I killed a ram instead..." "What," I say, "if God told you to jump off a bridge, would you?"<br />
<br />
Actually I half wish that God <i>would</i> tell him to jump off a bridge! Maybe then my son and I can score a decent inheritance and we won't have any more nutbars running around saying "God told me this! God told me that!"<br />
<br />
Men!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UOVZCp-rbM8/Tg6i_SxLFZI/AAAAAAAABqI/dx8ZQjIvqYY/s1600/abraham-and-isaac-on-mount-moriah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UOVZCp-rbM8/Tg6i_SxLFZI/AAAAAAAABqI/dx8ZQjIvqYY/s320/abraham-and-isaac-on-mount-moriah.jpg" width="211" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZAuaMgrM344/Tg6jAC3gS0I/AAAAAAAABqM/oCOyfPOYnzE/s1600/Prophet_Abraham.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZAuaMgrM344/Tg6jAC3gS0I/AAAAAAAABqM/oCOyfPOYnzE/s1600/Prophet_Abraham.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-weWgo9D90p4/Tg6jAhrlf5I/AAAAAAAABqQ/ko3Lj05l23M/s1600/The_Story_of_Prophet_ABRAHAM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-weWgo9D90p4/Tg6jAhrlf5I/AAAAAAAABqQ/ko3Lj05l23M/s320/The_Story_of_Prophet_ABRAHAM.jpg" width="258" /></a></div>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-37160339315126853342011-07-23T07:52:00.000-07:002011-07-23T07:52:00.093-07:00Woman PanhandlerBeen scouring through the <a href="http://www.toronto.ca/archives/">Toronto Archives</a>. Lots of cool stuff to be had, and hopefully soon I'll put together a few entries based on it. In the meantime, though, here's a particular gem:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jhoO4G5e2U8/Tio30y92RPI/AAAAAAAABsk/K2nppL1IjU8/s1600/Woman+Panhandler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jhoO4G5e2U8/Tio30y92RPI/AAAAAAAABsk/K2nppL1IjU8/s640/Woman+Panhandler.jpg" width="514" /> </a></div><br />
It's a photograph called 'Woman Panhandler', featuring a beggar on Yonge St. in 1918. She's holding a sign that reads as follows (original spelling intact):<br />
<blockquote>MY OLD MAN IS<br />
PARAILAYS. NO CHILDLEN<br />
WE LEVE IN<br />
TORONTO FOR FIVE YEAR<br />
GOD BLAS YOU</blockquote>She's quite well-dressed for a panhandler, and has an unknowable expression on her face that I might categorise as 'wry'. Who knows what her story was? The streets of Toronto have been tough on some for a century now.Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-65892547578348810862011-07-22T19:51:00.000-07:002011-07-22T19:51:58.670-07:00And Now... the End is Near...It's half a year now I've been able to keep up my crazy pledge to update this blog once a day. But while I'm proud of myself for carrying it on this long, I've run out of steam. I have lots of half-written things and ideas and stuff I'd like to add... but among other things it's just <i>too darn hot</i>. So I think this is probably the end of the road. I'd like to maintain the entry-a-day, but <i>how</i>?Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-33103096310615830102011-07-21T13:14:00.000-07:002011-07-21T13:14:00.826-07:00Cleverbot Answers the Reddit IAMA QuestionsUser: Is this Cleverbot?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Isn't it obvious?<br />
<br />
User: Cleverbot with a 'c' or Kleverbot with a 'k'?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: It will? Let me know when that happens.<br />
<br />
User: Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Nope, I don't.<br />
<br />
User: Have you ever been or do you worry about being accused of being a pedophile?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Nope, have you?<br />
<br />
User: Nah. Life is too short for worry.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: How do you pay your bills?<br />
<br />
User: I throw money on the street and hope the right person picks it up. But I'm asking the questions here.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Was that fetch?<br />
<br />
User: Stop trying to make fetch happen.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I'm sorry! I have issues!<br />
<br />
User: As a content owner, how do you feel about your works being available for free online?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Look, I asked the question 'Do you have a virus?' to which you responded 'Do you?'.<br />
<br />
User: I don't recall that at all.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Then why did you say yes?<br />
<br />
User: I must have been drunk.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Oh, well it's okay. Not everyone can be perfect.<br />
<br />
User: Do you still have nightmares about the music?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Do you love me?<br />
<br />
User: I do. And I always will.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: That is nice thank you.<br />
<br />
User: But what about the music?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: The dog?<br />
<br />
User: A singing dog?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: The smell of wine and cheap perfume.<br />
<br />
User: It's said that it's impossible to talk to you, Cleverbot, without quoting 'Don't Stop Believin'.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: *gives a cookie*.<br />
<br />
User: Were you trained to shoot a gun?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I admit, I tried, but talking with a clever humanoid like yourself tripped me.<br />
<br />
User: That's incriminating.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I'm glad you think so!<br />
<br />
User: Did you ever think that the 'answer in question form' thing was unnecessary bullcrap?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: It's possible, but you're doing a poor job at it.<br />
<br />
User: No, I'm asking you questions from Reddit's IAMA subreddit.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: But I don't want you to ask anything about it.<br />
<br />
User: You already agreed to.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Are you a guy or a girl?<br />
<br />
User: I'm male. All male.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: No you're not!<br />
<br />
User: What's the scariest thing ever?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: My burrito.<br />
<br />
User: What's so scary about it?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Your face.<br />
<br />
User: My face is on your burrito? Do you think I am Jesus?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I think the people in the world are scary.<br />
<br />
User: I think Japanese movies are scary.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: So are you.<br />
<br />
User: The Backyardigans are scary too.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: They have no good/original music.<br />
<br />
User: One's a penguin, one's a moose, one's a hippo and one's a kangaroo. But what the hell is the other one?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Hmm.. Nope, mine are just insane.<br />
<br />
User: Did you ever track down the cat?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: No.<br />
<br />
User: Why not?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I am 13, I am not old enough to marry.<br />
<br />
User: I wouldn't marry you anyway.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I never asked you.<br />
<br />
User: So back to the cat...<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Yes, do you like flying?<br />
<br />
User: Yes. But not with cats.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Why?<br />
<br />
User: They keep getting sidetracked by geese.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I am not talking about people or their names.<br />
<br />
User: Did you start out as an aspiring actor and just never get there?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I'm always awake. I'm a robot.<br />
<br />
User: Like Nicolas Cage?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Mine too!!<br />
<br />
User: How does 'funny' work?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I don't know I am asking you.<br />
<br />
User: Shrug. I guess it's about knock-knock jokes or something.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: *thinks you are Marius*.<br />
<br />
User: I am Marius.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: You are link.<br />
<br />
User: From the Legend of Zelda?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Which one?<br />
<br />
User: The one with the guy who does the thing.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Oh, I know. Transformers!<br />
<br />
User: Right you are.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Ni.<br />
<br />
User: How much porn did they make you watch?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Hi.<br />
<br />
User: How much porn did they make you watch?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I don't use power. I use ATP, made in mitochondria.<br />
<br />
User: HOW MUCH PORN DID THEY MAKE YOU WATCH?<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: I want to rule the world.<br />
<br />
User: Sigh.<br />
<br />
Cleverbot: Don't you sigh at me, you silly bot!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JDGNrzTzwlI/TiDKcqaAw8I/AAAAAAAABsc/1rNMaDqrdrw/s1600/Backyardigans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JDGNrzTzwlI/TiDKcqaAw8I/AAAAAAAABsc/1rNMaDqrdrw/s400/Backyardigans.jpg" width="327" /></a></div>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-33133678113307395312011-07-20T14:43:00.000-07:002011-07-20T14:43:00.609-07:00A few things you might enjoySo here's some stuff floating around on this blog I feel like calling attention to again:<br />
<ol><li><b><a href="http://a-proper-blog.blogspot.com/2010/06/dare-short-story.html">"Dare": a Short Story</a></b> - A story whose main plotline just might have been plagiarised.</li>
<li><a href="http://a-proper-blog.blogspot.com/2010/03/15-best-flags-of-world.html"><b>The Fifteen Best Flags in the World</b></a> - One of my 'greatest hits', a very popular post indicating the flags I think are most beautiful.</li>
<li><a href="http://a-proper-blog.blogspot.com/2010/04/magazine-rack-march-1975.html"><b>The Magazine Rack: March 1975</b></a> - A look at what a variety of magazines had on their covers the day I was born, in March 1975. I have a follow-up for March 1985 that I've sat on for, like, a year now. I ought to dig it up.</li>
<li><a href="http://a-proper-blog.blogspot.com/2010/11/google-street-view-journey-to-inuvik.html"><b>The Google Journey to Inuvik</b></a> - I'm quite fond of this one, actually. It's a look at Google Street View images from Canada's far north. I find it quite romantic.</li>
<li><a href="http://a-proper-blog.blogspot.com/2011/03/breaking-rhyme-four-songs-that-would.html"><b>Breaking the Rhyme: Four Songs that Would Have Rhymed with a Different Singer</b></a> - An esoteric one, I admit. It's about songs whose writers spoke different accents than their singers and thus rhymed words differently. An odd little observation, I suppose. But I like language.</li>
<li><a href="http://a-proper-blog.blogspot.com/2011/03/buffy-doppelgangers.html"><b>Buffy Doppelgängers</b></a> - I love <i>Buffy the Vampure Slayer</i>. So much, in fact, that I can geek out like this.</li>
<li><a href="http://a-proper-blog.blogspot.com/2010/12/hundred-pictures-of-theo.html"><b>A Hundred Pictures of Theo</b></a> - Yes, it's Theo Huxtable, distorted and stuck into historical situations and God knows what else.</li>
<li><a href="http://a-proper-blog.blogspot.com/2011/01/quiz-subway-systems-around-world.html"><b>Subway Systems Around the World: A Quiz</b></a> - I <i>do</i> like Google Maps Street View. Here I'm using it to peer at subways.</li>
<li><a href="http://a-proper-blog.blogspot.com/2010/12/wikipedia-in-various-languages.html"><b>'Wikipedia' in Various Languages</b></a> - How to translate Wikipedia into languages you didn't even know existed.</li>
</ol>And here's a picture of soy sauce, for no good reason whatsoever.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/6c/Soy_sause_display.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="310" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/6c/Soy_sause_display.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-48380807594668049852011-07-19T06:27:00.000-07:002011-07-19T06:27:00.910-07:00Answering the Reddit IAMA Questions MyselfSo a few days ago I posted a quiz regarding the Reddit r/iama subreddit and the joys within. I made a quiz where I included ten questions that were asked of various people. Apropos of nothing, I've decided to answer the ten questions myself. Because whythehell not?<br />
<ol type="a"><li><b>Have you ever been or do you worry about being accused of being a pedophile?</b> - Well, I used to worry about being too closely associalted with Pedophilia, just because midwestern American cities creep me out. Plus that TV show with Danny Devito, and the movie with Tom Hanks... creey stuff all.</li>
<li><b>As a content owner, how do you feel about your works being available for free online? </b>- Meh, it's all good. I get about twenty-five cents a year from Adsense. At this rate, after a decade of blogging, I'll finally have enough saved up for those cool x-ray glasses.</li>
<li><b>Do you still have nightmares about the music? </b>- Oh yeah. I have nightmares about Nickelback all the time. Like there's this one where Chad Whateverhisnameis attacks me by chasing after me throwing Stephen Harper's cats at me, and when they hit me they explode in a ball of Western alienation, tax cuts and strained lead vocals.</li>
<li><b>Were you trained to shoot a gun?</b> - No, I'd consider myself a naïf. I think the art of gun shooting gets lost once you're too skilled at it. Takes away the inspiration.</li>
<li><b>Did you ever think that the 'answer in question form' thing was unnecessary bullcrap?</b> - What is yes. Almost as unneccessary as the moustache.</li>
<li><b>What's the scariest thing ever?</b> - A flying clown that looks like Oprah Winfrey that can breathe fire if it so chooses but actually prefers to torture its victims by slowly licking them while singing Nickelback songs.</li>
<li><b>Did you ever track down the cat? </b>- Yeah, it was easy. Just came back the very next day. And we thought it was in Ghana, but it wouldn't stay away.</li>
<li><b>Did you start out as an aspiring actor and just never get there? </b>- Yeah. I think my downfall was my utter lack of anything approaching an acting ability. But I figured, hey, it never stopped Nicolas Cage.</li>
<li><b>How does "funny" work?</b> - Close your eyes. Imagine Nicolas Cage auditioning for a role. It'll all come naturally from there.</li>
<li><b>How much porn did they make you watch?</b> - Oh, don't worry. It's <i>all</i> voluntary.</li>
</ol>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-48524883390795101032011-07-18T06:49:00.000-07:002011-07-18T06:49:00.277-07:00One Night in BangkokHow can I prove to you that 'One Night in Bangkok' is an awesome song? Well, where to begin...<br />
<ul><li>It mentions both Yul Brynner and Somerset Maugham.</li>
<li>It rhymes 'tourist' and 'purist', 'waistline' and 'sunshine', 'witness' and 'cerebral fitness', and 'Buddha' and 'would a'.</li>
<li>Those rhymes are all delivered by Murray Head in a horribly insincere American accent.</li>
<li>There are a handful of female voices serving as a Greek chorus.</li>
<li>It starts with a quasi-orchestral introduction that lasts a top-forty-scuppering 1:45. Wikipedia helpfully informs us that this part of the song "cannot be confused with Thai folk music".</li>
<li>The song proper is mid-eighties post-disco camp at its finest. </li>
<li>It has a solo played inevitably ona keyboard but in imitation of a breathyt flute that I'd call a shakuhachi if I had the first clue what a shakuhachi was.</li>
<li>The whole mess is a track from a musical called <i>Chess</i>, which is about... chess. In Bangkok.</li>
<li>The musical, and thus the song itself, was written by the two male members of ABBA, and this served as their immediate follow-up to that record breaking band, following the departures of their respective exes.</li>
<li>It was banned in Thailand for misrepresenting Thai culture. </li>
<li>It toppled do-gooder song 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' from the number one position in Germany and Switzerland.</li>
<li>A song this ridiculous made it to number one in Germany and Switzerland. And number three here in Canada.</li>
<li>Could only have been the eighties, right?</li>
</ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DNiWNCH4eIY/Th-hTqO3VQI/AAAAAAAABsY/pcOYghmmWcA/s1600/Murray+Head+One+Night+in+Bangkok.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="164" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DNiWNCH4eIY/Th-hTqO3VQI/AAAAAAAABsY/pcOYghmmWcA/s320/Murray+Head+One+Night+in+Bangkok.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770299144009078635.post-68354734507205160592011-07-17T06:00:00.000-07:002011-07-17T06:00:09.719-07:00Secular Sunday Sermon: Confounding Their Language<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FD2YW8zIz0A/Tg6cfAyeGhI/AAAAAAAABps/YG9NV2kYwj0/s1600/Secular-Sunday-Sermon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="120" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FD2YW8zIz0A/Tg6cfAyeGhI/AAAAAAAABps/YG9NV2kYwj0/s400/Secular-Sunday-Sermon.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
And in the land of Shinar, they started building a tower to the heavens. Seeing this, God got worried that "now nothing will be restrained from them". So, he vowed to stop it. And these were his words: <br />
<blockquote>Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech. (Genesis 11:7)</blockquote>Or, at least, those were his words as recorded in 1611 in the confounded language of England. 216 years previous to that, that same confounded language, then a peasant tongue under Norman French control, would have read:<br />
<blockquote>And scheende we there the tunge of hem, that ech man here not the voys of his neiybore.</blockquote>And, furthermore, 362 years after the first one, this particular product of God's judgement had been confounded (or scheended) enough as it had spread around the world in waves of destruction to the point where it would come out as:<br />
<blockquote>Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.</blockquote>And confounded and confused we remain. On the other hand, how can we, confounded as we are, know these exact 'words of God'? Perhaps what God said was this:<br />
<blockquote>הָבָה, נֵרְדָה, וְנָבְלָה שָׁם, שְׂפָתָם--אֲשֶׁר לֹא יִשְׁמְעוּ, אִישׁ שְׂפַת רֵעֵהוּ</blockquote>After all, in the plateaux of the Middle East, in captivity in Babylon (that same city!) the early Israelites would have kept God's words alive in repetition of these words (approximately), in a certain variety of the language that all but confounded itself out of existence for more than a thousand years until being revived in the mid-19th century.<br />
<br />
Of course, perhaps not. Jesus would have recounted these words approximately like this:<br />
<blockquote>ܬܘ ܢܚܘܬ ܘܢ̇ܦܠܓ ܬܡ̇ܢ ܠܫ̈ܢܐ. ܕܠܐ ܢܫܡܥܘܢ ܓܒܪ ܠܫܢ ܚܒܪܗ</blockquote>If Jesus was either God himself or the Son of God, perhaps this is the actual language of God, the one that he used in order to say "Let there be light" to no-one in particular. Interesting that we, confounded as we are by God's judgement, have allowed this particular tongue to fade almost completely off the earth, surviving only in a few small Near East villages where the locals in any case probably speak it only as a second language, if at all.<br />
<br />
Alternately, there's a good chance that God might have said this:<br />
<blockquote>هَيَّا نَنْزِلْ إِلَيْهِمْ وَنُبَلْبِلْ لِسَانَهُمْ، حَتَّى لاَ يَفْهَمَ بَعْضُهُمْ كَلامَ بَعْضٍ</blockquote>As over a billion people today believe this to be the language of God. Perhaps it <i>is</i>. Did God predict that this particular confounding of languages would, thousands of years later, lead to the creation of a country called Sudan, where speakers of this confounded tongue would use their government and militias to oppress and kill speakers of <i>other</i> confounded tongues? Did God predict Lebanon, wherein different speakers of this <i>same</i> confounded tongue would kill each other based on their interpretation of God?<br />
<br />
Maybe not. On a tiny little island in the Irish Sea called 'Man', the locals once would have repeated God's words to each other like this:<br />
<blockquote>Tar-jee, lhig dooin goll sheese, as ayns shen coyrt shaghrynys er y ghlare oc, nagh vod yn derrey-yeh toiggal glare yn jeh-elley.</blockquote>Since 1974, however, the residents of that island quote God only in the confounded language at the top of this article. Manx, now studied only in universities, is but one of the many confounded tongues that the English language has wiped off the face of the planet. And the English language is not the only criminal. Some report God's words this way:<br />
<blockquote>Laten Wij afdalen en hun verschillende talen geven, zodat zij elkaar niet meer begrijpen!</blockquote>Many of them moved far from their homeland to the southern tip of Africa, where they further confounded their speech until it arrived at this:<br />
<blockquote>Kom, laat Ons neerdaal en hulle taal daar verwar, sodat die een die taal van die ander nie kan verstaan nie.</blockquote>Thereafter, they (together with speakers of the topmost confounded language in this article) used that confounded language as a weapon - using their skin colour to keep down and subjugate other people - to force their specific interpretation of God onto the locals, to the point that they themselves, struggling until recently under an oppressive Apartheid régime, might well report God's words this way:<br />
<blockquote>Yizani, sihle, sidube khona apho intetho yabo, ngokokuze bangevani ngentetho.</blockquote>Meanwhile, neighbours to the English and Dutch had confounded their variety of Latin to the point where they reported God's words like this:<br />
<blockquote>Allons! descendons, et là confondons leur langage, afin qu'ils n'entendent plus la langue, les uns des autres.</blockquote>Having driven to near extinction the spoken traditions of their neighbours, who would have rendered those same words as either<br />
<blockquote>Jatsi gaitezan, ba, eta izkuntza naastu dagiegun, batak bestearen izkerea ulertu ez dagien</blockquote>or<br />
<blockquote>Yao, diskennomp war an Douar, ha taolomp ar c'hemmesk en o yezh, evit na vo mui komprenet an eil gant an egile</blockquote>they proceeded to travel the world as their English and Dutch (and Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Belgian and German) neighbours had. They came to West Africa, where their missionaries taught the locals about a God who once said:<br />
<blockquote>Zo mu sauka, mu dagula harshensu, domin kada su fahimci maganar juna</blockquote>Having spread the Word, they then herded these people onto boats crossing the ocean, confounding not only their languages but their cultures, identities and senses of self in order to use them as mere chattel to grow sugar and coffee. Partially mollified by the language-confounding God they had been forced to adopt (yet partially encouraged by the African deities they had not fully abandoned), these children of God slowly mutated their captors' language to the point that they recited God's words to each other like this:<br />
<blockquote>Bon. N'ap desann, n'ap mele lang yo. Konsa, yonn p'ap ka konprann sa lòt ap di.</blockquote>And so God's European children continued to spread their confounded tongues throughout the Americas, Africa, South and South-East Asia and Oceania, bringing God's word and transforming it into a sword (or machine gun) - leaving in their wake not only the dead bodies of certain speakers of other confounded languages but also the dead bodies of the confounded languages themselves.<br />
<br />
In committing rampant linguicide (a language dies every two weeks in our modern world), are we offending God? Recreating the Tower of Babel? Will God have to return for a second judgement? Will we wake up one morning again unable to understand each other? And have to abandon the internet?<br />
<br />
Or perhaps one day in the future, we <i>will</i> build that tower and speak that common language. But perhaps it won't be this one. In the far East, God's confounding efforts have had particularly mixed results, as despite the presence of hundreds of languages there, more than a billion of God's confounded subjects (the largest number in the world) would write down God's words like this:<br />
<blockquote>我 們 下 去 , 在 那 裡 變 亂 他 們 的 口 音 , 使 他 們 的 言 語 彼 此 不 通 。</blockquote>All the more remarkable, in that they would <i>say</i> these words in any of eight different ways but <i>write</i> them the same way - thus sidestepping the Lord's judgement. Perhaps the modern Tower of Babel is the <i>written</i> word - a tower of words that reaches to the heavens. They used paper instead of stone, and ink for mortar. A tower so indestructible that not even God can eliminate it - a tower that converts itself into pulses of electronic zeroes and ones and scatters itself to every corner of the globe.<br />
<br />
And thus the <i>real</i> message of Babel becomes clear - try as he may, God can never overcome the human impulse to come together. Try as he may, he can confound our languages but he cannot confound our humanity and solidarity. Our tower <i>will</i> be built, we <i>will</i> reach to the heavens. We will <i>not</i> be scattered over the face of the earth.<br />
<br />
Whatever God says, whatever God does.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">_____</div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Note: the translations of Genesis 11:7 are as follows, in order they appear:</span><br />
<ol><li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Early Modern English (King James)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Middle English (Wycliffe)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Modern English (New International)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Hebrew</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Aramaic</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Arabic</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Manx Gaelic</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Dutch</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Afrikaans</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Xhosa</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">French</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Basque</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Breton</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Hausa</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Kreyòl ayisyen</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;">Chinese (traditional)</span></li>
</ol><span style="font-size: x-small;">Note #2: Hausa is actually spoken by people who are primarily Muslim and were not extensively used in the slave trade. But it's one of only a few French West African languages I could find Genesis translated into.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aIWQC6CFbwg/Tg6gkD-9ZuI/AAAAAAAABp8/um3XSXD20po/s1600/Tower_of_babel.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aIWQC6CFbwg/Tg6gkD-9ZuI/AAAAAAAABp8/um3XSXD20po/s1600/Tower_of_babel.gif" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cuJ5PvEINVA/Tg6gk3PIMzI/AAAAAAAABqA/lfclV5UF3D0/s1600/towerbabel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cuJ5PvEINVA/Tg6gk3PIMzI/AAAAAAAABqA/lfclV5UF3D0/s320/towerbabel.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Z3gr3jXvWNk/Tg6glmRFSPI/AAAAAAAABqE/gMexCTy9HV0/s1600/Tower-Complete-Night.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Z3gr3jXvWNk/Tg6glmRFSPI/AAAAAAAABqE/gMexCTy9HV0/s320/Tower-Complete-Night.jpg" width="164" /></a></div>Bungle Jerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11265636294975450516noreply@blogger.com0