Answering the Reddit IAMA Questions Myself

So a few days ago I posted a quiz regarding the Reddit r/iama subreddit and the joys within. I made a quiz where I included ten questions that were asked of various people. Apropos of nothing, I've decided to answer the ten questions myself. Because whythehell not?

1. Have you ever been or do you worry about being accused of being a pedophile? - Well, I used to worry about being too closely associalted with Pedophilia, just because midwestern American cities creep me out. Plus that TV show with Danny Devito, and the movie with Tom Hanks... creey stuff all.
2. As a content owner, how do you feel about your works being available for free online? - Meh, it's all good. I get about twenty-five cents a year from Adsense. At this rate, after a decade of blogging, I'll finally have enough saved up for those cool x-ray glasses.
3. Do you still have nightmares about the music? - Oh yeah. I have nightmares about Nickelback all the time. Like there's this one where Chad Whateverhisnameis attacks me by chasing after me throwing Stephen Harper's cats at me, and when they hit me they explode in a ball of Western alienation, tax cuts and strained lead vocals.
4. Were you trained to shoot a gun? - No, I'd consider myself a naïf. I think the art of gun shooting gets lost once you're too skilled at it. Takes away the inspiration.
5. Did you ever think that the 'answer in question form' thing was unnecessary bullcrap? - What is yes. Almost as unneccessary as the moustache.
6. What's the scariest thing ever? - A flying clown that looks like Oprah Winfrey that can breathe fire if it so chooses but actually prefers to torture its victims by slowly licking them while singing Nickelback songs.
7. Did you ever track down the cat? - Yeah, it was easy. Just came back the very next day. And we thought it was in Ghana, but it wouldn't stay away.
8. Did you start out as an aspiring actor and just never get there? - Yeah. I think my downfall was my utter lack of anything approaching an acting ability. But I figured, hey, it never stopped Nicolas Cage.
9. How does "funny" work? - Close your eyes. Imagine Nicolas Cage auditioning for a role. It'll all come naturally from there.
10. How much porn did they make you watch? - Oh, don't worry. It's all voluntary.