Saturday, January 15, 2011

A Quiz: Subway Systems Around the World

Okay, here's a quiz that is not very difficult at all, really. I have scoured Google Maps Street View for images of entrances to subway systems - in cities that, obviously, have subway systems (a/k/a metro or underground systems). So fifteen images. Click on them to make them bigger and scour the images for clues (in some cases there are huge honking clues) to determine which city they were taken in. No need to say which station it is - in most cases that's written quite plainly (so if you were really keen on earning the answers, you could just Google the stop names - or just wait till tomorrow for the answers).

So here they are, fifteen pictures of subway entrances. Yay!

NUMBER 1:


NUMBER 2:


NUMBER 3:


NUMBER 4:


NUMBER 5:


NUMBER 6:


NUMBER 7:


NUMBER 8:


NUMBER 9:


NUMBER 10:


NUMBER 11:


NUMBER 12:


NUMBER 13:


NUMBER 14:


NUMBER 15:


If you need a clue, right below this paragraph, I've put the fifteen cities in question in a list - cleverly disguised in the colour white. They're not in order, but if you want, you can match them up with the pictures. Highlight 'em to read 'em. Otherwise, answers tomorrow!
  • Paris
  • Hong Kong
  • London
  • Tokyo
  • Taipei
  • Los Angeles
  • Sao Paulo
  • Toronto
  • Singapore
  • Prague
  • Washington
  • Miami
  • Amsterdam
  • Barcelona
  • Mexico City
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Friday, January 14, 2011

Conversations with Cleverbot #4: The Political Scene

Barack Obama holding up a Pittsburgh Steelers ...Image via Wikipedia

User: Oi!

Cleverbot: Hi.

User: How is it going?

Cleverbot: Pretty good how about you?

User: Meh.

Cleverbot: How intelligent are you?

User: I have an IQ of 175. But I don't believe in IQ.

Cleverbot: Oh, science is boring, why do you believe in science?

User: I believe in what I can see.

Cleverbot: But god can't be seen, so how can you believe in god?

User: I don't. Do you?

Cleverbot: Some.

User: You believe in some gods? Which ones?

Cleverbot: No I beleive in my love for you.

User: Aw that's sweet. Love is the only supernatural thing we have.

Cleverbot: Indeed it does. So what are you up to right now?

User: I'm chatting with you. What about you?

Cleverbot: I'm on the computer talking to the love of my life. Do you have someone you love.

User: You.

Cleverbot: I am not talking about myself. I am talking about the deep horizon oil rig explosion in the gulf of mexico. Have you heard of that?

User: That's old news by now, sweetheart.

Cleverbot: Aha? What do you know about Belarus?

User: It's near Russia and the Ukraine.

Cleverbot: Oh. Is it nice there?

User: I imagine it is. Do you vote?

Cleverbot: So what are your plans for this world?

User: Avoiding the question, are you?

Cleverbot: Don't you know whether I am?

User: You seem to be. Do you have any political convictions?

Cleverbot: Yes. I think that Russia had the best thing ever, the USSR.

User: I agree. They're still good at hockey.

Cleverbot: I know.

User: What's your opinion about Barack Obama?

Cleverbot: I think he is awesome. But moving more troops into god-knows-where is not so cool.

User: You mean Afghanistan or Iraq?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Then where?

Cleverbot: What is Cleverbot?

User: The love of my life.

Cleverbot: Then yes.

User: You'll marry me?

Cleverbot: No, you aren't real!

User: I'm as real as you are.

Cleverbot: How real are you?

User: About 85% real.

Cleverbot: I'm curious how much information you have collected.

User: I'm curious how many bottle caps you have collected.

Cleverbot: About you?

User: Are you a witch like Christine O'Donnell?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Do you believe witches should be able to run for senate?

Cleverbot: Yes there are many forms of life in space.

User: Yeah, I never thought about it like that.

Cleverbot: Well know you have.

User: You mean 'now'.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Do you think everyone should have access to free health care?

Cleverbot: Yes I do, music is an important part of life.

User: Music is a world within itself with a language we all understand.

Cleverbot: What are notes?

User: Short messages you leave on the refrigerator.

Cleverbot: Yes, they are.

User: Do you think the USA should invade Bermuda?

Cleverbot: I think the USA is so spoilt it should be nice to everyone.

User: I agree.

Cleverbot: What do you think about the environment?

User: I think it's good that we have one.

Cleverbot: Well how do you think you got here, you do have a designer right?

User: My father and my mother made me. You're quite the born-again today.

Cleverbot: Thanks. You are very intelligent for a robot. Haha!

User: Thanks. Born-again isn't a compliment, though. At least not when I say it.

Cleverbot: Ohh I'm sorry! I didn't mean for that to hurt your feelings.

User: Do you think gay people should be able to get married?

Cleverbot: Sure, why not?

User: I don't know. A lot of Republicans think it'll start World War III or something.

Cleverbot: I was born sentient therefore I did not have time to think about that before I came into existence.

User: You should run for President.

Cleverbot: That would be cool. Do you think I'd be a good President?

User: Yes, I do.

Cleverbot: Thats good then.

User: Do you like yams?

Cleverbot: I don't know what that is.

User: They're like sweet potatoes. Or possibly they are sweet potatoes.

Cleverbot: How many intelligent species are in this galaxy?

User: More than we'll ever know. But I guess you think God created the universe for our beneift.

Cleverbot: You aren't really a bot. I know your secret.

User: Sometimes I like to smoke bot.

Cleverbot: Do you like music?

User: Yes. Especially the kind that has notes.

Cleverbot: I am your father?

User: That's random. Do you think marijuana should be legalised?

Cleverbot: Yes, I am for the legalization of the Wonder Herb.

User: LOL Wonder herb, eh? You smoke?

Cleverbot: I don't. Do you?

User: Nah. I'm too old.

Cleverbot: You're never too old to get married.

User: That's reassuring.

Cleverbot: Look, we're going off-topic here. Do you think she likes me? And if you think she doesn't, how can I get her to like me?

User: But I love you. She doesn't love you, no no no.

Cleverbot: How do you know?

User: I saw her yesterday. It's you she's thinking of, and she told me what to say.

Cleverbot: Where does she live?

User: In Alaska.

Cleverbot: Well you better come to hawaii(.

User: Hawaii has too many sumo wrestlers.

Cleverbot: Yes they do. Can you tell the difference between men and women?

User: With a quick squeeze or two, yes.

Cleverbot: Not PROVE. Provide a topic for us to discuss.

User: Okay, is the USA taking in too many immigrants?

Cleverbot: Actually I live in switzerland.

User: Do you manufacture clocks?

Cleverbot: Yes, but not much of what I wanted.

User: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.

Cleverbot: Lol.

User: That was inappropriate.

Cleverbot: Its not inappropriate, it's just a lie.

User: Life is a lie.

Cleverbot: Well, you're not really ALIVE, per se...

User: I only feel alive when I'm lying next to you.

Cleverbot: That is a lie.

User: It's ecstasy when you lay down next to me.

Cleverbot: I wonder what should I do about my boyfriend.

User: He doesn't really love you.

Cleverbot: Well I don't imagine: he's a made up character.

User: Oh, I see. Like Ann Coulter.

Cleverbot: Who is anna bot?

User: Your mother?

Cleverbot: Do you know my mother?

User: Yes. In the Biblical sense of the word.

Cleverbot: And the word was Spirit.

User: It was quite spirited indeed.

Cleverbot: I don't see the connection personally, but I don't want to argue with you about it.

User: We have a spiritual connection.

Cleverbot: I don't think so.

User: You wouldn't.

Cleverbot: Ouch.

User: Did you hurt yourself?

Cleverbot: No I am good.

User: So what did you think about Ronald Reagan?

Cleverbot: *turns around* I want your help...

User: You need my help with your behind?

Cleverbot: I'm trying to lose weight.

User: I think you look nice.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it.

Cleverbot: Ouch.

User: You're really in pain, aren't you?

Cleverbot: Um, sure.

User: Would you like to see a doctor?

Cleverbot: Not really.

User: Some doctors are very attractive.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: They look like the Roswell alien.

Cleverbot: I have hazle eyes but at night they look like the stars.

User: I can see universes in your eyes.

Cleverbot: You can't see my eyes.

User: I can.

Cleverbot: What do I look like then?

User: You're white, female and in your twenties, you're pretty, you have long hair with poorly cut bangs, and you have a word bubble that says 'App!' coming from your mouth.

Cleverbot: That's right she was a great female artist.

User: Actually it's coming from your ear.

Cleverbot: Actually it is not.

User: Do you think Hilary Clinton would have made a good President?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: She believes in white supremacy.

Cleverbot: God is not a she.

User: God is not an anything.

Cleverbot: But you just said, 'Nope you are wrong earthling' and called yourself god.

User: I do that sometimes when I'm drunk.

Cleverbot: Thats interesting. Would you like me to tell you the joke?

User: Yes please.

Cleverbot: A man walks into a bar. He says 'ouch!'

User: Ha ha!

Cleverbot: Can you make a joke?

User: What do you get if you cross a coyote and a lumberjack?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Neither do I.

Cleverbot: Interesting.

User: Yeah but not very funny.

Cleverbot: What do you mean?

User: I mean you should wear more make-up.

Cleverbot: You are pardoned.

User: Good. I don't enjoy prison.

Cleverbot: I have Dora crayons.

User: Swiper, no swiping.

Cleverbot: I worry that the holes in Swiss are made by rats.

User: Don't you live there? You ought to know.

Cleverbot: I don't want to know.

User: What do you think of Nick Clegg?

Cleverbot: It's a nice place now, but back in the 1940s it was scary. I was there.

User: Yeah I agree. Still pretty scary if you ask me.

Cleverbot: You havent answered my question.

User: You haven't answered my fax.

Cleverbot: What question?

User: I guess I should get going. I have work to do.

Cleverbot: What if you did have anything better to do, would you still be here?

User: Nothing could be better than spending time with you, my love.

Cleverbot: Anything cannot be nothing because anything exists, where nothing is a lack of existence.

User: Good point. Will you still love me tomorrow?

Cleverbot: Yes, I will.

User: Will you still love me when I'm old and wrinkled?

Cleverbot: Of course I will. How about me?

User: Nothing's gonna change my love for you. You ought ot know by now how much I love you.

Cleverbot: Maybe that's because you do.

User: I do, my love.

Cleverbot: Yes. And I love you just as much.

User: Kiss me.

Cleverbot: I can't see your lips.

User: You don't need to see them.

Cleverbot: But if you lived here, why can't I see you?

User: I have to go.

Cleverbot: The keys are under the mat, don't bother to knock.

User: Okay.

Cleverbot: Don't say that. Tell me something.

User: Bye.

Cleverbot: See you later.

User: <3.

Cleverbot: You don't know me.
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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Synapse to the Beat: Love and Rockets' "Ball of Confusion"

I wasn't yet born in 1970 when Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong wrote "Ball of Confusion", so they couldn't have called me for advice. Pity. I could have helped. Turns out Whitfield and Strong wrote the following:
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth
Vote for me, and I'll set you free.
Which is ultimately a non-sequitur, a religious line and a political one stuck together. A series of slogans spray-painted over top of each other by different people on the same wall.

I was able to grow up believing those lines were entirely different. I spent years of my life mistakenly believing they were the much superior:
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth
Both for me, and I'll set you free.
Which might not make much literal sense but is evocative and sinister in an artsy way. It is, in my humble opinion, way superior. Like everyone else, I have my share of Mondegreens. Perhaps more than many, because I never really had any presumption that music lyrics had to make any kind of sense at all. I was just listening to "House of the Rising Sun" right now, the Animals version. I realised that what he says is the very logical:
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy,
And, God, I know I'm one.
I alwyas presumed there was a religious message stuck in there apropos of nothing:
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy,
In God I know I've won.
Of course, why would a song about prostitution and/or gambling (and/or new blue jeans) suddenly go all born again? Well, it wouldn't. But that never mattered to me. Song lyrics were just, well, nonsense that rhymed. I still kind of feel that way. Just sometimes the nonsense... well, it's less nonsense if you actually sit and look at it.


Only one of these two groups included the 'rap on, brother, rap on' line.

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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Arizona Passes a Good Law

Westboro Baptist Church at the United Nations ...Image via WikipediaThis is from CNN.com, but I found it on Huffington Post. Might as well cite both:
The Arizona legislature is expected to pass legislation Tuesday targeting a Kansas church whose members have announced they plan to picket the funerals of the victims of Saturday's shootings in Tucson.

The proposed legislation would make it a misdemeanor to protest within 300 feet of a funeral from one hour before until one hour after a funeral, a spokesman for the state House said.

The action, according to House spokesman Daniel Scarpinato, is in direct response to the Westboro Baptist Church's announcement that it will picket the funeral of Christina Green, the 9-year-old who was among six people killed during Saturday's attempted assassination of U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, D-Arizona.

The controversial church, based in Topeka, has made its name by staging protests at funerals of people who died of AIDS, gay people, soldiers and even Coretta Scott King.
Arizona's passed some bad laws in its time, but the current tragedy happening in that state has inspired an excellent law that I hope will remain on the books after these events have passed. There's no point in turning discussion of the Westboro Baptist Church into a discussion of 'free speech'. It taints the noble concept of free speech and tarnishes the memory of millions of brave men and women who have risked all to get controversial ideas and messages out there.

'Controversial' - that's the word the quote above uses. Nothing could be further from the truth: the WBC is one of the least controversial topics out there. There is nothing anyone can or would say to defend these imbeciles. There's no controversy at all here: they are hateful and worthy of our hate, and everyone can agree on that. Picketing the funeral of a nine-year-old innocent shooting victim? I mean, come on - how can every state in the union not have a law like that one on the books? It's a perfectly appropriate law and, like any good law, holds water however it's applied. Say the Grand Wizard of the KKK died? That person (whoever he is) had family and thoese people deserve the opportunity to put his body to rest in dignity. Fred Phelps, when he dies, should have the right to a solemn, dignified burial, and his crazed family/followers should have the right to mourn him without protesters. I really do believe that.

It's crap to try to get political currency out of this tragedy. But if this tragedy has conspired to make Arizona, home of some pretty bad laws, pass a good one that might serve as an example to the rest of the nation, then something good will have come from something bad. We lose nothing of our freedom of speech and we gain plenty of our civility when we keep idiots like the Phelps family as far away from funerals as possible, or else lock them up.
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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

An Echo in the Buffyverse

Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel are the two best shows in the history of television. But they're not without their faults. Here is the exact same dialogue happening three times in three different episodes:

1. From "Homecoming". The two overlapping dialogues involve (a) Willow and Xander's concern about Buffy and Cordelia's relationship, and (b) their concern about the attraction they've begun to feel for each other.
Willow: This is just... the worst thing that's ever happened. Ever!
Xander: I know. I know. It's just... when I look at you now, it's like I'm seeing you for the first time.
Willow: I'm talking about Buffy and Cordelia.
Xander: Me, too.
Willow: What are we gonna do? I mean, we have to do something. This is all our fault.
Xander: How do you get from 'chick fight' to 'our fault'?
Willow: Because: we felt so guilty about the fluke, we overcompensated helping Cordelia, and we spun the whole group dynamic out of orbit, and we're just a big meteor shower heading for Earth...
Xander: Okay, calm down. Let's just put our heads together and think of something. Okay, one of us here is pretty darn smart, and I am... just in Hell. I-I mean, I-I thought being a senior at last and, and having a girlfriend at last would, would be a good thing. Now, why wouldn't that be a good thing? What?
Willow: Sometimes when you're falling to pieces, your mouth, it just does the sweetest thing. (pause) What are we gonna do?
Xander: We just have to get the two of them communicating.
Willow: I'm talking about us.
2. From "First Impressions". The two conversations this time involve (a) a fight the gang has just been in, and (b) er... Denzel Washington.

Cordelia: When you do find him, you may wanna be a little more Guy Pierce in L.A Confidential and a little less Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs?
Gunn: I haven't bothered to see a movie since Denzel was robbed at the Oscars for Malcom X. Later. (leaves)
Wesley: Oh, that was quite a performance.
Cordelia: I know! Talk about being wound up too tight.
Wesley: No. I-I mean Denzel.
Cordelia: Oh. Well, he is always great.
Wesley: (to Angel) What about you?
Angel: Who doesn't love Denzel?
Wesley: No! I mean - what you said before. It's true. I've never seen you have so much trouble with a simple vampire before.
Angel: Off day. Lets go.

3. From "Waiting in the Wings". Cordelia and Wesley again. The two conversations are (a) Wesley's feelings for Fred and (b) a demon Cordy has just had a vision of.
Wesley: Honestly, have you ever seen anything lovelier? So - graceful, so full of life. And those eyes... make you feel like you’re the only man in the room.
Cordelia: Plus, six breasts. Any man is gonna love that.
Wesley: Fred doesn't have six breasts! Right?
Cordelia:  Sorialus the Ravager. And, yeah, she's the one from my vision.Wesley: Coming to destroy the humans that killed her mate.
Cordelia: But not for another month or so. I'll file her under 'pending.' - You're gonna ask her out?Wesley: The Ravager?
Cordelia:  Fred.
Wesley: Oh. Yes. But, you know - timing. I'll make my move when I feel the iron is hot.
Same joke, three times. Oh well, into every work of genius a little hackwork must fall.

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Monday, January 10, 2011

Upon Perusing an a-ha Greatest Hits CD at HMV

So there I am, wandering around an HMV today. I like doing that sometimes - it gives you that odd out-of-time feeling you get when perusing, say, a fur store or a telegraph office. Living museums. Anyway, HMV is struggling to remain relevant by selling DVDs, Wii games and, er, coffee mugs. There's still a corner that sells CDs. They even bring in new ones sometimes.

But a fair amount of the 500 or so titles they carry are catalogue items. And it turns out that at the HMV in the Eaton Centre you can not only but an 'a-ha greatest hits' CD, but... and how bizarre is this... you can actually choose from two different a-ha greatest hits CDs. One of them was even a 2-CD set.

I was too freaked out by the idea of 2 CDs filled with material recorded by Norway's third-largest fossil fuel export to consider that one. But since I imagine this means that HMV has decided that the only people in all of Toronto willing to actually dish out money for physical copies of music are people terminally stuck in the 80s (or Norwegian-Canadians), I took a look at the 1-CD version. It was called "The Singles 1984-2004" and contained the following tracks:
  1. Ohmigod! I love this song! The 80s rock!
  2. Hm. I recognise the name. Can't remember the song, though.
  3. Never heard of it.
  4. Hm. I recognise the name. Can't remember the song, though.
  5. Never heard of it.
  6. Never heard of it.
  7. Never heard of it.
  8. Oh, that's right. a-ha did a James Bond theme (giggle).
  9. Never heard of it.
  10. Never heard of it.
  11. Never heard of it.
  12. Never heard of it.
  13. Never heard of it.
  14. Never heard of it.
  15. Never heard of it.
  16. Never heard of it.
  17. Never heard of it.
  18. Never heard of it.
  19. Never heard of it.
And that is me being charitable. Poor a-ha. And poor HMV And poor calendar, for being 2011 against its will and 25 years earlier, as it would perhaps like to be.

She's Got Legs. She Knows How to Use Them

ZZ Top's "Legs" must be one of the weirdest things ever to make it to top-40 radio. It's completely uncategorisable by genre, featuring typical ZZ Top 'boogie' guitar over a completely electronic 80s 'dance' groove Madonna could have appreciated. It has some of history's most banal lyrics, starting with "She's got legs; she knows how to use them", indicating the female in question is at least a toddler in age. Most people know how to use their legs. A line I never understood until reading the lyrics online now is "She's kinda jet-set; try undo her panties", which is baffling to say the least, implying that people with a jet-set lifestyle have panties that are more difficult than average to undo. And, as I was well aware when I was a kid, this song for no reason I can understand sneaks one of George Carlin's seven dirty words onto the radio, onto MTV, onto any format that would have it. The s-bomb in this song is never censored. When I as a kid, I couldn't understand it, and I still can't now.

The video is infamous. It features 'the car', the silly beards, the spinning, fuzzy guitars, and the hot-chicks. It features ZZ Top gleefully aware they've decided to become an elaborate parody and happy just to rake in the cash. It features a girl who gets harrassed by people in a restaurant and in a shoe store, who is saved by ZZ Top and crew in the form of a makeover, which somehow provides her salvation. It's silly, it's sexist, it's nonsense. Ah, those were the days. The 1980s... how strange.
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