Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Top Ten Things Nycole Turmel Could Do to Endear Herself to the Public

So the worst of the 'BQ storm' is over for Nycole Turmel now, I think. People half paying attention have moved onto other things to half pay attention to.

Still, let's face a reality - Turmel's star has definitely risen. Even if Jack Layton really does return, Turmel will still remain in the public eye from now on. So it's 'damage control' mode. Turmel really needs to find some ways to ingratiate herself in the minds of the Canadian public. By which, sad to say, I mean the people in the other nine provinces. And parts of Montréal too.

So in classic David Letterman fashion, let me present the top ten ways Nycole Turmel can endear herself to the nation as a whole...
  • 10. Periodically turn to Bob Rae and call out in a schoolmarmish voice, "You're the weakest link! Goodbye!"
  • 9. Buy at least one housecat for each year of BQ membership and allow yourself to be photographed with them as often as possible. Name the cats after former governers-general.
  • 8. Play at least one musical instrument. Or at least sing. You're party leader now, hon. In Canada, this means you have to sing.
  • 7. Inhale. Hell, light up in Commons. You're a New Democrat after all.
  • 6. Scream, 'Mon pays, ce n'est pas un pays; c'est l'hiver', while jumping in a half-frozen lake on New Year's Day.
  • 5. Prove allegiance to Canada by taking role as acting leader of the country's second largest federalist party.
  • 4. Adopt a brood of children from far-flung corners of the globe. Name them after former governors-general.
  • 3. Lobby the National Assembly to have Bonhomme refitted with a beaver's teeth and tail.
  • 2. Switch seats in Commons every now and then with Elizabeth May. See if anyone notices.
  • 1. Grow a moustache.

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