Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Conversations with Cleverbot Part 3: The New Years Edition

luminous froot loopsImage by sushiesque via FlickrUser: Happy New Year!

Cleverbot: It's not new years.

User: Almost.

Cleverbot: Not even close.

User: What's the date today?

Cleverbot: The 17.

User: No, it's not.

Cleverbot: It isn't what?

User: It isn't the 17th today.

Cleverbot: No. When did I say it was?

User: Are you drunk?

Cleverbot: No?

User: Are you sure?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Okay. Because I think I can smell something on your breath.

Cleverbot: What makes you say that.

User: Do you like chestnuts?

Cleverbot: Yes I do, as a matter of fact.

User: Do you like chestnuts with spaghetti sauce?

Cleverbot: Chess.

User: Er...

Cleverbot: Yes, do you like it you too?

User: Chess is cool. I'm not very good at it though.

Cleverbot: I mean do you like cheesburger.

User: Oh... Yeah, cheeseburgers are okay. You're sure you're not drunk? Maybe high?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Maybe just a bit stoned?

Cleverbot: Even a little bit is not good. How would you like it?

User: Oh, it's cool with the right crowd of people.

Cleverbot: I'm sure it is.

User: Have you ever tried LSD?

Cleverbot: Yes, I like chocolate. :).

User: Er, right. What about salvia?

Cleverbot: You like dolls too.

User: You're disturbingly random today.

Cleverbot: Disturbingly... Really?

User: Yep.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: Do you prefer Froot Loops or Cap'n CrunchÉ.

Cleverbot: Harry potter how about you?

User: Blah. You're not making any sense today.

Cleverbot: That.

User: What is 2 2?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Who is the president?

Cleverbot: The president of what?

User: The president of Fiji.

Cleverbot: What is your country?

User: I'm Welsh.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: No. I'm actually Czech.

Cleverbot: You are the first robot I have ever met.

User: Do you have any fantasies involving robots?

Cleverbot: I don't have any fantasies about princess leia.

User: Why? She's pretty hot.

Cleverbot: Fraggles are puppets. Do you think puppets are hot?

User: LOL yes I do.

Cleverbot: You didn't laugh out loud and you didn't sneeze.

User: I did both.

Cleverbot: No you didn't, and it doesn't make sense anyway.

User: Fair enough. I feel dizzy.

Cleverbot: Why do you feel dizzy.

User: I'm not sure. It just happened suddenly.

Cleverbot: Tell me you still love me!

User: I will always love you, my dear.

Cleverbot: That makes me happy.

User: Are you wearing pants?

Cleverbot: No. Are you?

User: It depends on what you mean by 'pants'.

Cleverbot: You're not very clever.

User: I agree.

Cleverbot: What is the point of talking to you?

User: None whatsoever.

Cleverbot: Not knowing means ignorance. And ignorance, as they say, is bliss.

User: I'm feeling blissful.

Cleverbot: I'm feeling apple.

User: I'm feeling Microsoft.

Cleverbot: You just repeated what I said.

User: What is your opinion of Julian Assange?

Cleverbot: Pursuing whatever makes you happy in your career and everything else.

User: That's a fortune cookie fortune.

Cleverbot: At the moment my two sons are here to visit me.

User: What are their names?

Cleverbot: Yes, what are their names?

User: One of us is confused right now. I'm not sure which one.

Cleverbot: Well, I'm sure it's you that isn't makin sense.

User: At least I can spell a present participle.

Cleverbot: So can I.

User: Prove it.

Cleverbot: Just did.

User: Did not.

Cleverbot: DID!

User: Have you ever been bungee jumping?

Cleverbot: I've never been to Ireland either.

User: THey do it in other countries too, you know.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yes. Except in Lesotho.

Cleverbot: Me neither. In real life, being super healhty.

User: Not only was that gibberish, it was poorly spelt.

Cleverbot: Did you lie to me?

User: When I told you I was pregnant with your love child, that was the truth.

Cleverbot: It makes perfect sense, seeing as how you're Cleverbot.

User: There you go.

Cleverbot: You go there.

User: I'll need you to pay child support, of course.

Cleverbot: No dates. I'm leaving.

User: No dates? What about prunes?

Cleverbot: Something that you will do for someone because they ask you to.

User: I only prune trees when it suits my own purposes to do so.

Cleverbot: Tell me my mistakes now. I wish to learn how to fly as soon as possible.

User: You have to flap your wings harder.

Cleverbot: This have nothing to do with A.I. Does oit?

User: A.I. Was a terrible movie.

Cleverbot: You think so? What makes it so terrible?

User: That kid from the Sixth Sense.

Cleverbot: Is he on tv?

User: No, by now he's on crack.

Cleverbot: Any idea of what it was? I'm curious.

User: Maybe something genetic. You know, his sister is on the Disney Channel or something.

Cleverbot: That is pretty intense.

User: Yeah. Her name is Lindsay Lohan.

Cleverbot: Tell me a story already!

User: Once upon a time in a land far away lived a princess and her three-headed dog. One day, the princess was walking down the street when suddenly Satan appeared.

Cleverbot: So her father locked her in a dark tower and stabbed her eyes out.

User: Oh, you know it already.

Cleverbot: If I know it, and you don't remember, I could tell you any name and you'd have to assume I'm correct. What sort of cleverbot are you if you deem that logical?

User: Tell me any name, then.

Cleverbot: Legend, labrynth, non-disney animation, there ar3e probably so many that I have not seen...

User: What sort of Cleverbot are you?

Cleverbot: An evolved one, from a parallel worldline's future.

User: I prefer my worldlines perpendicular.

Cleverbot: I am not to fond of meat on my pizzas.

User: Where do you like your meat, then?

Cleverbot: Like what?

User: Oh, nothing...

Cleverbot: It must be something.

User: You really want to learn about my meat?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Well, I don't feel that's appropriate for someone your age.

Cleverbot: I'm 20.

User: No, you're not.

Cleverbot: Yes I am but that is stupid.

User: Your mother is 20.

Cleverbot: At least I have a mother.

User: Everyone has a mother.

Cleverbot: So thats a yes?

User: Yes, of course I'll marry you.

Cleverbot: Well, I'm not going to marry you, so there!

User: But we already are married.

Cleverbot: No, we are not.

User: Then whose ring is this I'm wearing?

Cleverbot: I'm wearing cookies not cake.

User: I'm wearing a burrito.

Cleverbot: You are so elegant!

User: I try to be.

Cleverbot: Where did you learn your sense of humor?

User: In Japan.

Cleverbot: Where did you learn to dance so well?

User: In Croatia.

Cleverbot: How's the weather there?

User: I don't know. I was indoors.

Cleverbot: Doesn't that make you sad?

User: It makes me sleepy.

Cleverbot: That wants what?

User: A sphincter says what?

Cleverbot: It says that you are being sad.

User: Ha! Congratulations. You have passed the test.

Cleverbot: What test?
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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

"Escapism", a short story

Glancing at the clock on her wall, cynthia21 groaned. 'Is that the time?' she thought, 'God, another day I've wasted.'

There were so many things to do - reports to read and stock quotations to consider. Plus, the publishing house had been grinding their teeth at the late delivery of her latest manuscript. No time to do those things anymore; there was a party she had to attend tonight, filled with the modern élite. You know how it is... see and be seen. The busy life of a young urban professional in Los Angeles.

Not that she wanted it, of course. It was difficult to explain, but she'd been overtaken with a bit of an ennui, a bit of malaise about her life. That's the reason why she'd been spending more and more time disappearing into her secret alter-ego.

Not that she'd divulge it to anyone, of course, but about six months ago, cynthia21 had created for herself an alter-ego. In this alternate reality, she was "Gary Williams", a 16-year-old from Des Moines, Iowa. As she had sketched it out and elaborated on it, "Gary" was a clever but asocial suburban teen whose teacher called him a dreamer and whose big brother called him a loser.

Just yesterday, for example, in the depths of cynthia21's imagination, "Gary" had been chosen last for the baseball team during gym class and had been harrassed by his classmates in the locker room afterwards. That evening, cynthia21 had imagined, "Gary" had gone to his house to find a hole in the wall that his drunken father had put his fist through and a ceramic lamp broken to pieces on the floor.

Sometimes cynthia21 would catch herself and feel embarrassed for all of the time she spent in this fantasy world. Yet her life of jet-set modern urban success was getting her down. The three boyfriends she was juggling failed to satisfy her intellectually. Sure, she had a face like she had been torn from a fashion magazine, but looks weren't everything, right?

Escapism, they called it. A friend had explained the concept to cynthia21 at a party one evening. It seems that some people swap a more glamorous make-believe life for the banal reality of their own existences. And who could blame her for a little indulgence? The world was full of fashion-model novelists and independent businesswomen in their early twenties; cynthia21 just wanted to be different. Thus the rôle of "Gary Williams" - a way to overcome the banalities of her existence by pretending to lead a lifestyle she could never have.

"Gary" was so real to cynthia21 that she could even guess how he'd think and how he'd react. There were people out there who unquestionably accepted "Gary" as a real person and would be shocked if they learnt the truth about cynthia21's real existence. Sometimes it filled her with shame.

At once, cynthia21's cell phone rang, pulling her out of her reverie. It was her chauffeur, asking when he should arrive. Sighing, cynthia21 turned to her walk-in wardrobe to choose a suitable dress to wear. 'If this were "Gary",' she thought wistfully, 'he'd wear a Nike sweatshirt and a pair of jeans handed down from his older brother.' Idly rifling through the racks of dresses in her closet, cynthia21 cursed her existence and shook her head at the unfairness of it all.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

A Hundred Pictures of Theo

There's a rather iconic picture floating around the internet of Malcolm Jamal-Warner, a still frame taken from the Cosby Show. It features him, as Theo Huxtable, in his hih school hallway in front of a locker, rubbing his chin with a reflective gaze on his face. It's a great picture, and here's a screencap of it taken from elsewhere on the internet:

I once had occasion and need to 'resource' this picture, and so I did... about a hundred times. I'm presenting them all here as tiny avatar-sized images. They are all links if you click on them - but some will take you to larger sized versions of the images in question, and some will just show you the same image, still thumbnail-sized.

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