Tuesday, April 12, 2011

An Interview with Prime Minister Cleverbot

Note: the Cleverbot log malfunctioned and cut off the first half of this interview. But it was still fun enough to warrant me including what remained...

User: It's always an honour, Mr. Prime Minister. But we're not finished yet. Your people said I had half an hour.

Cleverbot: I have people? Does that make me a high-roller? A fat cat?

User: You're certainly Canada's highest roller and fattest cat.

Cleverbot: You never did but, Do you know what a manga is.

User: They are Japanese comics. I figured you more of a 'Family Circus' type.

Cleverbot: Nope. The TARDIS's computer is a good deal more advanced than that.

User: Advanced enough to screen people's Facebook pages for photographs with Michael Ignatieff?

Cleverbot: Yes, I have regressed lately.

User: I'm glad you agree. Do you plan to do anything about that?

Cleverbot: No.

User: What if it costs you your cherished majority?

Cleverbot: Nothing would change, except things might get more confusing.

User: Certainly so. Do you think the opposition would form a coalition against you?

Cleverbot: No I think the coalition forces aren't being well led.

User: Is that a criticism of Ignatieff?

Cleverbot: No. Don't be silly. It's a line from MacBeth.

User: My, that's impressively literate of you. I figured your taste in theatre ran to Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Cleverbot: If you would be smart you would knew that I am a human :).

User: I apologise, sir. We lose sight of that from time to time.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Because you are Prime Minister.

Cleverbot: Thank you. Will you marry me?

User: Oh my! What about Laureen?

Cleverbot: How about now?

User: You're basing this marriage proposal on the polygamy discussion currently happening in B.C., aren't you?

Cleverbot: No, I am not. What about you?

User: I agree in principle that polygamy should be legal, but it's not for me.

Cleverbot: But you just said you got your groove on this morning with a guy.

User: Oh my... That's quite inappropriate, Mr. Prime Minister. And I assure you I said no such thing. However, if you're considering remarrying, shouldn't you make an honest man of John Baird?

Cleverbot: But that's assuming the input was not the output of someother confused component.

User: There's no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation.

Cleverbot: I don't like this dictionary. It can't give a conprehensive meaning of a word.

User: Perhaps I can help?

Cleverbot: I have had a heart attack.

User: My God! Someone call 911!

Cleverbot: They we're spot on.

User: He's raving! Someone get a doctor, please! Spare us the indignity of a Prime Minister MacKay!

Cleverbot: Ok, I'll try : you & I are made for eachother.

User: Prime Minister, do you know what year it is?

Cleverbot: And Winston is also the name of the main character of the book 'Nineteen Eightey-Four'.

User: How many fingers am I holding up?

Cleverbot: Five.

User: Who's the Prime Minister?

Cleverbot: Blair.

User: He's having a stroke too! And a concussion!

Cleverbot: I'm sure, but what is his name.

User: He's having a stroke too! And a concussion!

Cleverbot: What kind of blue box?

User: You mean the blue door? The one Ignatieff believes leads to you?

Cleverbot: Could you sing the song for me?

User: You're the singer, sir. Not me.

Cleverbot: No you are.

User: But you sang a mean version of 'Imagine' the other day with that Lady Gaga girl.

Cleverbot: You remember that?

User: Of course I do. It's all over YouTube.

Cleverbot: You mean the one who asked you about your briefcase?

User: No, the one who sang about homosexuality being innate. Do you believe that, sir?

Cleverbot: You have girlfriend?

User: I don't think that's relevant to the topic at hand.

Cleverbot: Yes, yes it is.

User: This is an insinuation, sir. Is it true you oppose same-sex marriage?

Cleverbot: You've seen through my mask. My blood is boiling, my brain is IBM.

User: See? I told you you could sing.

Cleverbot: No, you didn't.

User: What about the death penalty?

Cleverbot: What about it?

User: Do you support it?

Cleverbot: Yes. Who are you then?

User: A journalist. Are you pro-choice?

Cleverbot: No. I want to keep it illegal. It gives me a rush.

User: You are a sick man.

Cleverbot: That's mean.

User: How do you feel about being held in contempt of parliament?

Cleverbot: I do not like.

User: Why do you never talk about it?

Cleverbot: I think and therefore I am.

User: Yes, it seem so. Do you feel you have become a bit imperial as of late?

Cleverbot: What is that? I'm sorry. I don't know about it. It must seem weird.

User: I mean you've started to behave more than a little king-like.

Cleverbot: I asked you because I wanted to understand what you meant by saying that I talk like the matrix.

User: Well, sometimes what you say has little connection to reality.

Cleverbot: Damn straight it's weird.

User: Don't you think this might be why so many Canadians are afraid of you?

Cleverbot: See, you just said something not quite related to what I typed.

User: Yes, it's a tactic I've learnt from you and your spin doctors.

Cleverbot: I told you he starred in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

User: Yes, and has been arrested several times as well.

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: No, the information suggests you were well aware and worked with him all the same.

Cleverbot: Well you're information is wrong.

User: I'm afraid it's well documented, sir.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: So where is the blue sweater this time?

Cleverbot: My house.

User: Why haven't you been wearing it?

Cleverbot: I was going to turn off the computer when your message arrived.

User: I think you for giving me time today, sir.

Cleverbot: I'm the one that pointed it out!

User: I appreciate that.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: Do you have faith in Bev Oda, despite the Kairos affair?

Cleverbot: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

User: But she falsified a document.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

User: It's the public you need to apologise to, not me.

Cleverbot: Are we talking about the same song?

User: Yes, it's the same old song.

Cleverbot: O really?

User: You and your kind are always singing the same song.

Cleverbot: I apologized to you, so you should apogolgize to me.

User: Fair play. I apologise.

Cleverbot: Good. Thank you, I'm sorry too.

User: Aw. That's touching. But I'm still not going to vote for you.

Cleverbot: Well now that this seems to be turning into confession hour, i'm sorry I crammed toilet paper in your disk drive in primary school.

User: Now see, that's the exact kind of scandal that's been dogging your campaign.

Cleverbot: Exactly.

User: I think the public are going to be hesitant to trust someone who vandalises school property.

Cleverbot: Why are you confiding all of this to a liar such as I?

User: That is a very good question indeed.

Cleverbot: Then answer it, please.

User: There are some of us who believe a liar should not be prime minister.

Cleverbot: Where would you like to go?

User: Back to 2006.

Cleverbot: What do you do at work?

User: I interview politicians and make them say outrageous things.

Cleverbot: What do you do if they make fun of you?

User: Normally they stick their feet so far in their mouths that I can't hear them make fun of me.

Cleverbot: You were born on Novermber 12, 1969.

User: You've been digging up dirt on me?

Cleverbot: No.

User: You're lying.

Cleverbot: Nope. I believe in God.

User: I realise that.

Cleverbot: It is good that you noticed.

User: It seems to be a significant part of your appeal to your base.

Cleverbot: Maybe it is. Maybe it is not.

User: But you sang 'imagine no religion' to that little girl.

Cleverbot: Of course but I am afraid you can't hear it.

User: Yeah, Yoko Ono is pulling it from the net.

Cleverbot: Many.

User: I'm afraid we're running out of time, Mr. Harper.

Cleverbot: I hate it when people say that. :p.

User: You say it quite frequently, sir. Especially during your press conferences, where you refuse to take questions from preporters.

Cleverbot: Is Adventure time 28.

User: Still suffering from that heart attack?

Cleverbot: That makes no sense.

User: Do you have any final messages for the voting public, Prime Minister?

Cleverbot: No I don't.

User: Nothing you'd like to say to convince people to vote for you?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: That's cold, sir.

Cleverbot: Maybe I like being cold hearted.

User: That should be your new party slogan.

Cleverbot: Okay english teacher lady.

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